Writings prompts

Prompt 4

As a life-long beta-tester, God decides that you should be the first to test his new creation, Earth 2.0.

ring ring

ring ring

"Hey, yeah, it's me...

Yeah, look, I know that you wanted to release this new version at the end of the trimester, but you got some serious bugs here...

Yeah, I'm sure...

Yeah, yeah, I have been here for a week and no one has used a turn signal once and I am yet to witness anyone pick up their dog's shit at the park...

What? No, I'm not being nitpicky...

Yesterday I watched group of people protest 14 separate social minorities in your name...

Look, you should at the very least patch the government glitch...

What glitch?...

Well there are over 196 governing bodies...

What is wrong with that?...

Look, sir, I know that you want to allow for separate cultures, but it has been demonstrated in other models that one central body works best, otherwise it is suggested that things are separated into fewer than 12 different distinct factions...

Yes... Yes I know you were trying something new, but on top of monarchies claiming rule in your name, there are multiple dictatorships as well as several regions simply imbued with chaos. I won't even mention Detroit and Mosul...

Ok. Yeah. Uh-huh... How long?

Well, sir, I think you are going to need to put in another century on this one...

No, sir, I am not using hyperbole. I am being real. On top of patching social intricacies like stepping back to allow others to exit the subway first, you are going to need to put in at least 35 years to fix the virus...

Yes, a virus, sir. I know you knew about it. You can't just expect these things to sort themselves out, especially with "free will" programmed populace. Climate Change is going to be a real problem for this version. You may have gotten away with it in Earth 1.8 but this isn't simply an update anymore, we are talking a brand new product...

Yes... Uh-huh, yeah... Look , sir. How many times have you called me in for these tests? .... .... Yes, I know this is my first time as the primary, but I assure you that if you call in second and third opinions you will get a similar answer...

... Well of course Peter is going to say that, he is afraid you will send him back to human resources...

... Yeah, call up Gabriel, he will have some great insight on this... No, I'm not telling you how to do your job, I'm just an experienced consumer, and by experienced I mean I have been doing this since Mars 2.1 and we both remember how that update went...

Sir, we've gone over this, you can't threaten me with Hell, I started out there as a beta tester...

... Yeah, well at least Satan debugged the hellhounds and acid fountains before he released his WWII version...

Look, sir, with all due respect, I am doing what you asked of me. You have never asked me to come in to give you an offering or kill my son for you. You wanted an honest opinion and that is what I am giving you...

...Yes, sir...

Alright, yeah... Yes, I'm serious, call up Gabriel. He will have some great insight on this...

Ok, yeah... Well, you too. Ok, I will send you the full written report early next week. Goodbye."

Man, he is really going to have a hard time selling this one to the board of directors. For Him sake, I didn't even get to telling him about the internet attachment. He is going to have to put in some real time fixing the social media bugs and tackling and net neutrality glitches.

Video unrelated, just SWE's portrayal of some poor ex-beta tester going about his life.