My 30 Day Challenge

Chapter 14

Day 4: Do you consider yourself to be ‘addicted’? Why or why not?

I spent a sleepless night wondering where Mike had gone, and I never noticed him come back, but when I went downstairs in the morning, there he was, having a conversation with Mr Fuentes about his latest tattoo. The best action, I decided, was not to confront him about it, and maybe talk to Vic. God, I was so scared of this guy, and he had no idea! I hoped.

‘Morning, Kellin,’ Vivian said, smiling. I nodded in response. I looked around, but Vic was absent. I would have asked, but didn’t know how.

Mike and I caught the bus together, and as soon as we got to school he left me on my own. I managed to hide for the whole morning, sitting on my own in English class, but once it got to break Jack finally found me and attacked me.

‘Where the hell were you, man?’ he demanded as he grabbed my arm and dragged me off to the oval, supposedly to talk to me on my own.

‘I…’ Shit. Would I finally have to explain to him? ‘I was sick.’

‘Sick, my ass! You were fine when you were at mine the other day. Seriously, where were you?’

‘Look, I’d rather not talk about it, if I can,’ I said miserably. I was getting nervous.

He sighed. ‘Look, Kellin, I get that you’re a secretive person. And that’s fine! People need to keep some things to themselves. But we’re friends, man, and it can’t be that big. Friends tell each other things, and I swear to God whatever you have to tell me I’m not gonna be pissed off with you. So, if you can, just please, tell me, okay?’

I was stumped. On one hand, I did want to tell him. It would make life easier, and he’d been pretty nice to me so far. Vic and Mike had reacted to it well. But there was this nagging voice in the back of my head that was telling me he wouldn’t care, he’d just drop me, that I’d lose the one friend I’d made, that things would go back to the way they were in Oregon.

I thought of Dr Jardine.

If there is anyone at all in your life who is on your side, don’t push them away. Grasp on to them, and hold them as tightly as you can.

‘I… I need to… to tell you something, Jack,’ I began slowly. I didn’t know how much to tell him; I didn’t want to go into really personal details, but he had to know some of it. ‘I got sent here because – I – I t-tried to… um… k-kill myself.’

His mouth fell open. ‘Kellin, are you –‘

‘No. don’t ask me that. I hate that question. I just… They decided I have to go to a mental hospital, and there isn’t one where I lived. So my mom sent me here to live with her high school friend, and I was at a session yesterday.’ I turned away, not able to look at him.

‘Kellin, look at me.’ I didn’t move. ‘Okay, fine. I just… you didn’t have to be so worried about telling me that, you know. It’s not that big a deal.’

That got me a little pissed off. ‘Not a big deal?’ I asked, my voice shaking.

‘That wasn’t what I meant, Kellin, and you know that. What I meant was that it doesn’t bother me that you’re depressed. Yeah, it’s got to suck for you, and I get that you probably don’t want to talk about it after this, but I really like you, Kellin, you’re fun to be around and I don’t think that this has to affect our friendship,’ he said in a rush, his face going slightly red.

I let the words sink in, thinking. He seemed to genuinely not care. And I was damned if I was going to lose Jack. He was one of the best things that had happened to me in years.