i'll help you || chanbaek angst

one

DON'T READ THIS STORY IF YOU'RE EASILY TRIGGERED OR OFFENDED. DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU GET UPSET EASILY.

I do not promote any of the mental illnesses contained in this book.

I hope you enjoy.

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"Chan, I hope you dont mind Baekhyun taking me out for tea today. Will you be alright?" Minji asked as she pulled on her jumper, moving over to sit on her brothers bed.

Chanyeol nodded, choosing to stay silent. Minji sighed, leaning forwards to hug the younger boy, her arms wrapping around his thin yet long body.

"I'll be leaving in about ten minutes, don't do anything stupid okay?" Chanyeol nodded once more, his gaze stuck on the plain white wall in front of him.

Minji smiled and kissed Chanyeol's forehead, her heart aching when she felt him cower away from her touch. The doorbell rang and she jumped up, walking to the bedroom door, looking back one more time at her brother who was now looking directly at her with bleak eyes.

"See you later Chan." She said softly before walking out he door and down the stairs to meet Baekhyun.

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"Min? What's wrong? You seem so out of it today." Baekhyun asked Minji, who was staring blankly at her empty plate. The said girl looked up at smiled sadly.

"I'm worried about Chanyeol. That's all." She spoke quietly, looking at her boyfriend with hopeless eyes.

"Is he still making himself throw up?" The latter asked, fully aware of what she was talking about.

Minji nodded.

"I'm scared to leave him alone now, I'm worried that his depression is getting worse. I just dont want him to do anything stupid." Her voice got weaker and weaker as she spoke, tears threatening to spill from her eyes any second.

Baekhyun smiled sweetly and took her hand in his.

"Why don't we go home and finish our night there? that way you can make sure he's okay." He suggested, standing up when he saw Minji nod.

"Let's go."

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Chanyeol sat alone in his cold and fairly dark room, his knees had been brought up to his chest, secured by his arms.

His breath was ragged and irregular, his eyes were looking frantically around the room, trying to find something, anything sharp.

Finally, his eyes landed on his pencil case. He ran from his bed, over to the desired object and opened it, tipping its contents all over the desk and picking up the sharpener.

Chanyeol used his unusually long nail to unscrew the sharpener and get the small blade out. His hands were shaking uncontrollably, he needed a release for his pain.

Taking the blade in one hand, he staggered to the bathroom, locking himself inside despite there being no one else in the house. He slid down the door and stared at the toilet, his hand gripping the blade tightly.

Shakily, he extended his left arm and brought the blade to the already scar-littered skin, his eyes tearing up. Chanyeol dug the blade into his skin, dragging it to create a deep, red line.

Chanyeol winced at the pain, yet sighed in satisfaction. The pain was lessening. His previous pain had almost disintegrated from his mind. He made a few more lines before telling himself to stop. He got up and walked over to the sink, turning the tap on and holding his wounded arm underneath the cold water, watching as the red mixed with the colourless liquid, making an elaborate yet beautiful pattern. Chanyeol found himself mesmerised yet disgusted.

How can something so horrible look so beautiful? He thought to himself as he washed the blade as well, tucking it into his trouser pocket.

The tears finally fell as the last ounce of self control left his body. He collapsed onto the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.

Weakly, his arms pulled him over to the toilet bowl, where he heavily leaned on the rim, panting heavily. Two shaky fingers made their way to his mouth, going deeper and deeper until they reached his gag reflex. He kept trying to go further, wanting to feel the vile acid rise up once again, emptying his already empty stomach.

The acid finally came up as Chanyeol retracted his finger, heaving over the toilet bowl. He continued to throw up, his stomach tensing and relaxing abruptly at the same time as his gags. The tears got more frequent as the fumes from the sick made his eyes sting.

When he was done, the tears stopped. Everything seemed to stop. He wasn't shaking any longer. Everything was calm. Everything seemed numb.

Chanyeol stood up and flushed the toilet, deciding to spray some air freshener to get rid of the putrid stench of vomit. Next, he brushed his teeth, to erase any suspicion that his sister might have.

No one needs to know. Chanyeol thought to himself as he walked out of the bathroom, freezing in his place when he heard voices coming from downstairs.

He could hear his sister calling his name repeatedly and then two heavy pairs of footsteps coming up the stairs.

Chanyeol panicked and ran to his room, slamming the door and moving his bed side table so that it was impossible to open the door. He ran to his wardrobe and quickly threw on an oversized sweater to cover the newly made marks on his skin.

"Chanyeol let me in!" Minji yelled. She sounded worried.

She's just faking her love and care for you. Who would want to love someone like you?

The voices were returning. Violent shakes made their way through Chanyeol's body as he slowly became more and more paranoid. His hands covered his ears as more and more voices came in, shouting vulgar comments about him. He screamed, wanting it all to go away.

"Chanyeol!" His sister yelled, louder than before, the door handle was shaking violently as she desperately tried to open the door.

Chanyeol ran over and pushed the cabinet aside, throwing open the door and running into his sisters embrace, shaking uncontrollably. He sunk to the floor, dragging Minji along with him.

Baekhyun didnt know what to do. His heart ached at the sight of Minji trying to comfort her younger brother. He wanted to help Chanyeol, he wanted to show him what happiness feels like, what love feels like, what all these positive emotions feel like but it seemed almost impossible.

Park Chanyeol was broken and to him, it seemed like no one even bothered to save him.