the fourth roommate » alex ernst

EIGHTEEN

"You're leaving?"

It was July the eighth, and Alex was talking about going home for his birthday.

"Alex, that's twelve days. What the fuck? I thought we were spending your birthday together! I already got you some presents, I bought a fucking giftcard for Buffalo Wild Wings! Do you know how dumb you look buying a fucking Wild Wings giftcard?" I prodded, pushing him a tiny bit just to prove my point. I was not happy with him, not because he was leaving to go home for twelve days but because he waited until the day he was leaving to tell me.

"I seriously don't get why you're mad," he said and I rolled my eyes. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring up at me with an expectant look. "Well?"

"Holy guacamole, I'm about to flip my shit," I had to turn around and take some deep breaths. I didn't want to say anything I didn't mean. "Alex, you can't just fucking leave whenever you feel like it and not tell me. I got a ton of shit for you, I was trying so, so hard to make it a nice night without a birthday party and you're not even gonna fucking be here. It sucks."

"Mason, you're not my mom, and you're not my girlfriend, so you have no right to tell me when I can and can't leave!" he finally yelled, for the first time, at me. I didn't want to cry in front of him; I didn't want him to think he had the power to make me cry.

"Alex, you told me a week ago you were in love with me!" I brought it down to a whisper yell because Dom and David were home, and I didn't want them to hear all of our secrets. "How can you fucking say that and then say I'm not your girlfriend?"

"Maybe I'm not," he said it so cool and detached that I knew he was telling the truth. I felt the tears falling down now, but there was nothing I could do about it. "I don't understand why you're fucking crying since you couldn't even say it back."

"Oh my god, are you fucking mad I didn't say it back?" I just let myself yell, knowing holding it back would inhibit my thought process and I'd say something stupid. I prayed Dom and David respected our privacy and went to the balcony or something. "How can you be mad about that?"

"Who the fuck said I was mad?" he defended himself, but the fact that he felt the need to get defensive told me everything I needed to know.

"You little bitch," I sighed, covering my face as a way to cope. It was all too much at once, and I was emotionally drained. "I'm fucking done with this. Would you rather me of lied when I wasn't sure yet? Because I could have done that, but I didn't, because I wanted to protect you."

"You think giving me the silent treatment and acting like nothing happened for a week let me know you were thinking about it? You made me feel like shit, Mason," his words were harsh and true and too much. He was right, but so was I.

"I didn't want to say it back, Alex!" it was a low blow, but I felt he had gone lower. "I didn't want to say it back because it'd been two weeks since we actually started talking and it was too early and I wasn't fucking ready. The fact that you think our relationship is over because I didn't say I love you too blows my fucking mind, Alex. Literally drives me fucking crazy. How the fuck do you think it makes me feel that you want to give up on us because I'm not ready?"

"I don't care how you feel!" it was the loudest he had gotten, and it shook me the most. "You made me feel like a bitch for saying I love you when you didn't care about me at all, so how is it wrong for me not to care about your feelings?"

"Are you..." I trailed off, not even able to find words that would put how pissed I was out in the world. "Are you serious? Literally, are you fucking serious? You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Go fuck yourself, Alex. Have a nice flight, asshole."

I snatched my purse off my bed and stormed out of the room. I was so done with fighting and I just wanted to leave, but David stopped me at the door.

"Woah, wait, you can't just leave the apartment crying," he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back. "There are people out there! It's gonna look pretty shitty if our roommate leaves bawling."

"David, if you don't get your fucking hand off me, I will break it," I snapped and immediately he pulled his hand off, as if my very words had burned him.

"Do you at least need a ride?" he asked, defeated and I shook my head.

"I think Alex is going to need a ride to the airport, so you can help him out," I replied icily, slinging the door open and waving over my shoulder with one hand. I heard a 'holy shit' and a 'I'm going to fucking kill her' and it took every fiber in my being to hold myself back from flicking the three at the door off.

Luckily for me, no fans were sitting around waiting outside so I walked to a close café and called an Uber to bring me to Toddy's house. Since I had never gone by myself, I didn't know the address, so I had to give my driver directions from the backseat while still crying uncontrollably. It was a mess and when I showed up to the guys' door with mascara streaked down my face, they were shocked.

"Holy shit, Mas, what the fuck happened to you?" the words that left Jason's mouth were enough to cause me to burst into tears all over again.

"Everything. Everything has fucking happened to me."

"Come inside," he stepped to the side and allowed me to enter beside him. I walked through the house until I reached the living room where Scott, Todd and Zane were sitting casually talking. They heard my footsteps and looked, jaws dropping when they saw my appearance.

"Oh my gosh, what's wrong?" Toddy asked, standing and walking to hug me. I couldn't tell them, could I? I assumed David and Dom knew now which pretty much meant everyone knew but could I expose us like that? Was I ready?

So I lied.

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UPDATING EARLY BC WRITING A FIGHT IS SOOO EASY IM SUCH A FIGHT PERSON LOL

and yes they are both cray cray but this is what happens in real life people are cray cray in relationships its ok

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