I've never had sex. I've never sucked a dick. I've never eaten out someone's pussy or been eaten out myself. I've never even seen a fucking dick except in the pictures the disgusting men from jesus camp have sent me. I attribute all of this to my many different degrees of ugliness.
for starters, my double chin. The minute i even think about not holding my head as high as the New York skyline, my jaw is absorbed into an endless roll of fat. Then, my hands. My nails are impossibly long and seem to disgust most people for some reason simply because of their length. They're always clean, colorless, and natural. My palms themselves though, are impossibly sweaty and moist. For some reason, whether or not I'm warm, my hands sweat profusely and refuse to quit. Next, we have my face. My cheeks are seemingly always painted a deep red, my eyes are minuscule, and my eyelashes are practically nonexistent. My pores are the size of desert craters, my skin is acne prone, oily, AND dry/patchy all at the same time. Even when I attempt to cover my blemishes with any form of makeup, it ends terribly and i somehow look considerably worse than before. Following that hot mess is the true horror show; my body. My breasts are too big, plus they're vaguely saggy, while my tight ass is sometimes too small to appear to exist. Consequently, my stomach flops about, accompanied by baby love-handles, back fat, and thighs the size of Texas. Maybe this would somehow be easier if i weren't constantly standing in all my five foot glory.
I hate myself so deeply it hurts. many tears have been shed over the state I find myself in. I watch a great amount of the girls I hang out with get invited to parties, get hit on, date guys, or even have sex, yet I have only gotten invited to a party once or twice, haven't dated anyone in two years, never gotten hit on, and continue to be the epitome of a lonely virgin. In all honesty, it wrecks me. I want to be a party girl. I want to have guys hit on. I want to get on my knees and worship somebody's body like it's never before been worshipped. I want to date someone hot whom I love and appreciate. I want to have a flat stomach, a body that doesn't incessantly sweat, and a thick ass. I want to be a something that others don't look down on.
I want to be happy.
I don't want to hate myself.
I want to understand what it's like to love and to be loved.
I want to feel passion, heat and the burn of an orgasm caused by another person.
I want what everyone else has, but continues to slip out of my hands.
