Let Me Be The Wallpaper That Papers Up Your Room Part 2

Chapter 2

"Dazai-A*.Kyoya-A*. Tamaki-D"

"I don't think you're supposed to just guess grades," said Hawkeye, taking a swig of sake.

"I can with most of my students," replied Shanks nonchalantly.

Exam results were due the next day and Shanks had left marking them to the last minute, which in hindsight had probably not been such a smart move.

"Ranpo didn't write anything.. probably forgot his glasses. Atsushi - no point in marking this, may he rest in peace...s. Usopp -"

"Speaking of Usopp," Hawkeye interrupted. "What has the boy so down lately? He spends all his time alone in the music room, playing tragic melodies on the triangle. Its like a beautiful serenade for a lost love."

"Sounds about right. I did have to kill his boifriend," said Shanks in an indifferent manner.

"USOPP had a boifriend?" Hawkeye was not a shallow man; he knew looks weren't everything. But Usopp didn't exactly have money, charm or personality (the things that did matter) either.

"Well it was Shu."

"The janitor." That made sense. It also made sense that Shanks killed him. Hawkeye had been thinking about killing Shu himself- slicing up the 30 year old virgin with his sharpest blade. Not for any particular reason; Shu was just one of those bastards you felt compelled to kill.

"Yeah the kid was pretty torn up about it. Can't imagine why. He could do much better. Well-" Shanks reconsidered his statement ,"Better than Shu at least. Problem is his self esteem is so low. I tried pretending I was into him so he'd realise he could possibly be desirable to better men."

"Didn't you turn him down in the previous instalment of this fanfiction?" Hawkeye asked.

"Yeah turns out he's over me. The plan now is for Shu to tell him to move on."

"The dead guy," Hawkeye rolled his eyes. "Why do you care so much? Anyone would think you actually did have a thing for him."

Shanks burst into laughter. He clutched his side and wiped away a tear as he guffawed.

"No," he said when he sobered. "I really don't."

He straightened himself and his expression, and felt he should probably explain, " He's Yasopp's son."

Yasopp and Shanks had been close friends in their university days. With their two other mates- Beckman and Roo- they'd been known as the Marauders.

"He's nothing like his father of course," Shanks continued. "But he is still my friend's flesh and blood. When I found out he was dating Shu, I tried to leave it alone but then Shu threatened my bitch so I had to dispose of him. No Haki or sword needed - a chair from the cheeseboard was enough. So I made Usopp think I wanted him - to boost his confidence of course. That didn't work so I decided I'd have to BECOME Shu and give him the closure he needs. Using Aizen's Zanpakto to create the illusion of course. But Aizen's back at the Soul Society for a few months. So I'll just have to get Bon Clay to shapeshift into Shu and do it."

. . . .

Unbeknownst to Shanks, Usopp had already fallen in love with someone new.

He sat in the Quidditch grounds, awaiting the arrival of Light Turner - his new sweetheart.

Light had said he'd first fallen for Usopp when Usopp fell off his broom in their last Quidditch match. Usopp himself had always had a crush on the dyslexic, unattractive Quidditch prodigy.

Soon after Shanks had made a move on him, Usopp realised the handsome, popular, ripped teacher had just done it to make him feel better. As if he needed the Red-Haired boyfriend-killer's help or sympathy. His anger gave him the confidence to approach Light, who'd quickly accepted his friend request on Facebook and agreed to go clubbing with him. This had led to a whirlwind romance they were still in the honeymoon period of five whole hours later. To Usopp, their love story was greater than that of Romeo and Juliet's. A relationship between an Oxbridge student and a Knottingham Trent student was taboo, unheard of, impermissible.

It was the excitement of this forbidden love, that feeling of adrenaline when they snuck out to meet each other and the sparks that flew by their every touch, that healed Usopp of his previous heartbreak.

Usopp didn't have to wait long. He was joined by his beloved in little time.

"I want to show you something," Light's hot breath in Usopp's ear gave him goose bumps.

Light pulled out a notebook from his bag. Usopp smiled, Light writing things wrong as always cute to watch. Much to his surprise however, Light had written the long nosed boi's full name with the spelling perfectly correct.

"Well done, darling," said Usopp encouragingly.

Light started to laugh, "You fool! You're so desperate for love, you don't even realise when it's a lie. I never loved you. I only pretended to love you so your expression would be all the more delightful when I kill you. You see, I recently gave half my life span in exchange for the Shinigami eyes. Reading a name wrong and then writing it down wrong makes the written name right as of course two wrongs make a right. You are the first person I tested my newfound power on. And my next target .. is Tonpa."

As Usopp's heart stopped beating and his eyes closed, all he could think was, "If I become a ghost, will I too be a jellyfish?"