사랑하니까 (On the Wings of Love)

VIII

The mood was getting additionally depressing with each passing second. It was as though blades were cutting right through Jessica’s heart every single time Yoona’s shoulders jerked in an uncontrollable sob. A couple of minutes had passed since the angel located the girl seated underneath one of the many trees at a park.

“Yoongie, please stop crying.” She repeated for the tenth time, hugging the girl as close as she could and willing herself not to get too emotionally involved. She had never experienced weeping before but for some odd reason, seeing the girl like this induced an uncomfortable sensation in her throat. A lump seemed to have formed there and she found it more troublesome than usual to speak. No, she should never allow herself to be feeling this terrible.

On realizing she had only a few minutes left before another day was deducted, Jessica pulled herself away from the girl at once, “I’ll be right back.”

This was bad. This was horrible. Why did Yoona have such a huge influence on her emotions? The angel was hyperventilating as she struggled to distract herself from what she had witnessed just seconds ago. Nothing was helping.

In a short while, two vexatious beeps sounded out and Jessica heaved a sigh of defeat, checking her watch only to validate that she had one day less. She had officially lost two days and both were because of the same person. Yoona must mean so much to her to be able to invoke such intense emotions from her fragile heart.

The angel very much wanted to be by Yoona’s side but there was not much she could do with this utterly ridiculous rule dictating her behavior. She would always be fighting a losing battle with time being the adversary. Close to twenty minutes later when she noticed the girl had settled down, the angel hurried back.

“I’m sorry… I needed some air…” She mumbled before occupying the space beside Yoona once more. She sounded almost emotionless and Yoona deduced that perhaps it was because she had no interest whatsoever in comforting her. Why should she care anyway? None of this concerned her. She might have been the main reason for the dissolution of whatever Yoona shared with Tiffany but then again it was not her fault.

“It’s okay, Jessica… I really shouldn’t have bothered you. You’re supposed to be enjoying your vacation instead of worrying about my fucked-up issues… I just didn’t have anybody else to call… I’m sorry.” Yoona could not hold back the vulgarity lingering on her lips although she regretted just seconds after. Great, now Jessica would slowly start to see her true character – an uncouth teenager with an unbelievably pathetic life. Commence the judging.

All Jessica wanted to do was explain her plight but knowing the grim consequence, she couldn’t. She could not afford to risk any more of her precious time with this girl.

“Look, I won’t blame you for thinking that I’m causing you trouble. You’re a really nice girl, Jessica. And I’m just stupid… and reckless… perhaps you should find somebody else to hang out with. I’ll be giving you nothing but headaches if you decide to spend the rest of your holiday anywhere near me.” It did not take much for Yoona to be reminded about how screwed up her life was. She hated herself so much for not being able to get anything right. Her family was a mess. Her life in school was another huge wreck.

The painful breakup was the worst. She had lost her girlfriend because she was too busy being a complete idiot and falling for some girl she knew she would never have a future with. She would never allow herself to hurt Jessica the way she crushed her own relationship with that one irresponsible comment. God, she would give anything to take that brash sentence back. No amount of regret was going to reunite the both of them anyway. Yoona had never heard Tiffany speak in a more serious tone before. It was completely over and she knew it. That was the reason why she had bawled her fucking eyes out and had been such a huge embarrassment in front of the girl she supposedly had a crush on.