Worth It

Memories

Browsing through my newsfeed, a notification suddenly popped out.

I got a message from you

I opened it, sligtly smiling. You were asking about a project. It was a normal conversation but I was feeling very happy at the moment. I sent some more replies. You've seen it. But you didn't reply anymore.

Another notification popped out. I didn't really care, but it was school stuff. I opened it, and read through the comments.

Then I stopped.

There was a comment from a friend of mine. You reacted on it. I scrolled down for more, but it was only hers that may have caught your attention. It would have of course, because she's special to you.

I wanted not to care. I wanted to say, 'mind over matter'. But it was still there. The slight sting I feel whenever you give your whole attention to her and no one else. When you tap her head, when you steal a glance at her. I was always there, watching as you immersed yourself in her. I was by your side while you fell for her. I was there, hurt. I was there, telling you to gain courage and confess. I was there, making a fool of myself.

I suddenly remembered that time when we've finally met after months of vacation. The first words that left your mouth were not of greetings, but things about her.

How she looked too beautiful, cute and fragile. I remembered the phrase you specifically said. 'Her skin looks softer now'. You used to tell me how you liked the softness of my skin. How you liked the mushiness it feels when you squeeze it. Sometimes, I get hurt. But I smiled, finding everything so cute. You used to tell me how sweet I smelled. How fragrant my arms and hands were. That was before. You've grown up and started loving her more. I matured, I guess. I wish i didn't though. Because only then did I realize I'm already falling, even before.

She has someone else, I remember you rant to me. Then you quickly added, 'who cares? I'll still crush on her'.

I smiled at the memory. You're determined to get her. I wish it was me who you wanted to smile. I wish.....i wish everything you've shown me is true. Do I matter to you? Do you notice how I care for you? Do you....even notice that I'm starting to like you?

Facebook...hmmm. It was supposed to make me feel entertained. Well, I guess I was. I was too entertained, I really was. It gave me memories to reminisce. Memories that hurt me. But then you were in those things that I remembered. It doesn't matter if I get hurt, as long as you're there. Even for just a little while.