𝕨𝕚𝕝𝕥𝕖𝕕 𝕣𝕠𝕤𝕖𝕤. cedric diggory

7

In our fifth year, we were greeted with Dementors and escaped prisoners (and you were made prefect and I was so proud of you). The Dementors sent an eerie chill over the whole school and I felt like I was in a horror movie. You laughed and told me I was being ridiculous. I thought maybe I was, wondered why they were drawn to me so much, anyway.

Professor Sprout asked me if everything was okay. I told her everything was fine. I didn't know if it was a lie or not but it felt hollow on my tongue anyway.

When we had to sleep in the Great Hall, you brought your sleeping bag right next to mine and intertwined our pinkies - a reminder that you were always there, would always be there. It calmed my panicking heart, allowed me to get a good night's rest and in the morning, we were side by side, hands tangled with one another's and breaths fanning each other's faces.

You gave me a tired smile when you woke, but I was too busy gaping at the wonder of you to really comprehend it. It was only when you greeted me that I could snap myself out of my reverie and stutter my own sentence out. You laughed, a tired, deep thing that reverberate through my chest, we were so close and I was so gone.

I thought about telling you then, about shouting to the world how infatuated I was with you. I thought it wouldn't make a difference. I loved you enough for the both of us and that was okay, would always be okay because it was you and me. And I just needed to tell you.

I didn't.

My cowardice choked me up and I was left with listening to you drone on about lessons until we had to depart. Later on, I thought about it again, was going to do it at dinner that night, but then you brought up Cho Chang. And you said you fancied her. My whole body went cold.

The waters were rocky now, icy against my brittle bones and glass heart and I was rocked back and forth, choking and spluttering for air, only to be pulled under once more. I struggled and I cried out but no one came and I was pulled in deeper - deeper and deeper until my heart cracked and cracked and cracked and I was left with the shattered remains of it.

I tried to fix it, tried to glue back the pieces but I only hurt myself; so I watched you go to Chang everyday and talk to her and be her friend and tell her you fancy her and it hurt - so fucking bad - but I smiled and encouraged you and you grinned back and said she might be the one.

Finally, I opened my mouth and inhaled the sharp tang of water and my lungs filled up and I couldn't breathe anymore and I was gone, a broken spirit wading through the murky waters of a heart that has been broken.

You broke my heart, Cedric.