𝕨𝕚𝕝𝕥𝕖𝕕 𝕣𝕠𝕤𝕖𝕤. cedric diggory

6

Fourth year was the worst year for me. The chambers held a giant basilisk and you started dating Alicia Spinnet.

I saw you two in the corridors every now and then and I hated myself for the foreboding thoughts that trailed after me. They whirled around in my head like a tornado, destructive and never ending. I thought of the way you held her so closely, her hand in yours, a grin on your face as you caressed her so gently, and I had to stop myself from screaming out at you that she wasn't right, not at all. Stop, please.

But your happiness meant the world to me. To see you cheerful and bright, a walking sun in my cloudy world, was the best thing I could have asked for. And if it was Alicia who was bringing you this ecstasy, this joy that could only be brought from a significant other, then I had to support you. I was your best friend, after all.

So I grinned at you. Told you how much you two looked good together. Gritted my teeth and lied to you about how happy I was for you. Encouraged you when you were wavering, doubting everything you two had built.

It was a feat. One I did not know if I could overcome. Everyday was a struggle, poison coating my lungs at the thought of seeing you two together in the corridors, bundled together merrily, kisses exchanged as though it were nothing. You were so happy with her, eyes lit in a way I knew I couldn't manage. Because I was only your best mate and your eyes would never shine the way they did when you were with her. No, that was reserved for her and her only.

So I remained vigilant and I fought against the urges to shout at you when you canceled our plans for a study date with her. I fought against the boiling water that sucked me underneath, searing on my skin as I sank deeper into the dark abyss where the bitter monster was waiting, mouth wide open for its next meal. I fought and fought but it wasn't enough and the chains pulled me down, burned my ankles, my arms, my heart, and I was helpless against it.

But just as my spirit was crushed, you came back and you told me you broke it off and the waters cooled, just for a moment. I was able to breathe, to take in a big, refreshing breath of relief before I was forced back down by your embrace.

This time, I didn't fight it. I fell into the grasp of the monster and it held me in its clutches the way you held me in your arms. And I thought that perhaps it wasn't so bad, this burning in my heart. The pain in my soul. It was tainted, a blight that would consume me until I was nothing but a hopeless soul wandering through fields of the damned.

I figured it didn't matter, though. As long as you remained by my side I would gladly throw myself into the crossfire no matter the repercussions.