Alone together ✕ Wayhaught

three

"Come on. We won't have to be long, just breakfast, I promise. You have to eat, anyway. Don't you? Besides, we could both use a little bit of company, right?"

Nicole has been insisting on buying me a "non-date-all-friendly" breakfast all throughout the morning. It's against what I made clear to her last night - what we did is because we were attracted to each other but that's all, at least that's what I want to believe. I don't do relationships, especially with such a pure, honest soul. I'm far too messed up for her, I'll ruin her. I know that there might be a connection between us, but I can't do that to her, I just can't. And now it's still not too late to let her know that, so I did. Surprisingly, she took it well. She wasn't happy about it, but she respected my decision. I would be lying if I said that didn't surprise me. I've hooked up with so many guys and quite some girls, too, while on this tour, and basically all of them got pissed as hell at me and one particular man even claimed I was a slut for sleeping around with so many people without sticking around. But Nicole was different. When I had told her, I was laying in her arms, naked, exhausted after hours of sex, and she had told me it was okay and kissed my shoulder. She hadn't minded that I had basically used her for sex to distract myself from my own mind. After that, we laid like that all night and most part of the morning, as well. It was nice, I know it was wrong to enjoy it after all that I had told her before, but I liked it. We were just two human beings enjoying each other's presence and I didn't want to overthink it at that moment.

Nicole is still waiting for my answer and she even goes as far as making a sad puppy face to convince me to go with her.
"It won't be weird, I promise. And it would make a nice opportunity for us to get to know each other a little better, I mean you'd think I'd know you by now, I've literally been inside your vagina-"
"Nicole!" The remark makes us both burst into laughter. I love that she's talking about this whole situation so lightly. It makes me feel accepted. It makes it all a little easier than usually.
"But really, though, I'd like to know more about you - all as a friend, of course." She smiles her toothy smile and looks at me hopefully. Her beady eyes make it hard for me to resist and I find myself agreeing to her offer without even really thinking about it.
"Fine! Fine." I smile back her, but deep down I know this will most likely be the last time we'll ever have a "non-date-all-friendly" get-together. And it breaks my heart, and it will hurt her, too, but it's for the best. I don't deserve her, not even as a friend.
"Grab your stuff, I'm starving. Let's go!", she sounds so cheerful. Part of me is happy that I get to spend the morning with her, but the other part of me is screaming that this is a bad, bad idea.

"So...?"
We're sitting in a small café near my hotel that Nicole showed me. The little food shop seems to be quite new. On the way here, she had told me enthusiastically about her going here when she was done working and how beautiful she found cities at night, and how she'd like to listen to the quiet people talking and the lost heels clicking on the pavement. I am glad that she didn't take me too far into the city, and luckily I have never been in this part of town before, so I wouldn't be greeted with much nostalgia.
"So, what?", I confusedly respond. The room is filled with happy conversations, coffee machines spewing and steaming and soft jazz music.
"So, tell me about you. I want to hear more about Waverly...? Huh, I guess let's start with your last name."
"Pass."
"Waverly Pass?"
"No, you bonehead. I meant I want to pass this question. I don't have a last name."
I do have a last name, of course. But I don't like talking about that part of me, of my family.
"Ah, I see." She hesitates for a second but decides to drop the subject anyway. A waitress comes to take our orders and I notice how her and Nicole seem to know each other, which makes sense since she told me about how she is a known customer due to all her late night visits. She told me that in the daylight it is a coffee shop where you can buy lunch or breakfast and after sunset it transforms into a café that serves wine and homemade beer.
"Well, my last name is Haught", Nicole says when she's gone, "I work as a security guard at the venue you danced gorgeously at yesterday, my favorite color is blue and I have a cat. Yep, I am a cat-lesbian." The last remark makes me snort and she grins at me, proud to have made me laugh again. After I crack a stupid joke about her last name fitting her and asking about her cat for a bit, she nods her head and raises her eyebrow at me, and soon I realize she wants me to tell her about myself.
"I am a dancer, as you apparently already saw yesterday. Right now I'm on a world tour which we just started; first we're touring around the States and in a few months the European leg starts. It's funny how I happened to meet you right in this city actually, Purgatory is my hometown. But I rarely visit. My favorite color is black, even though I know it's not an official color. I am afraid of spiders. What else do you wanna know, Ms. Nosy?"
"I'll take about anything at this point. It's not often that I meet new people, so any information would be appreciated."
Hearing her say this makes me think about what she told me last night, right before we went back to my room. I have the urge to ask her about it, to know more about why she told me that. To know why a person like her would be so lonely. I open my mouth to speak, but at the last moment I decide it would be much better if I'd just shut it again. I don't even know what I'm doing at this point. Luckily, my inner discussion gets interrupted by the waitress who brings us our breakfast that Nicole recommended us to get. We continue to babble about all sorts of things as we stuff our faces with croissants and bagels and flush it down with steaming lattes.

"You know, that was a lot of fun. But I am afraid I might burst out of these pants soon, that's how full I am.", Nicole laughs as I finish my last spoon of yogurt.
"I agree. Thanks for paying, by the way."
"No problem at all. It was nice getting to know you, I enjoyed your company." When she says this I can hear her mild Southern accent creep up for the first time. She smiles and asks me if she can have my number, so we can keep in contact. At first this question scares me and out of fear of hurting her I give her it, though I know I'm not gonna keep in contact. It sucks, I really like her, but I don't deserve her. She's too innocent, I will ruin her.

I will ruin her.

The thought of me lying to her like this makes me sick to my stomach and I have to get out of here soon, I can't bare to look into her eyes anymore. I hate myself for always doing this and for some reason, this time it's worse than ever.
"I've gotta go now. See you, Nicole." I give her a quick hug, inhale her vanilla scent one last time and she waves me goodbye. I turn away and walk my way out of there, but I can't help but look behind me one last time. I flash her a small smile, and she responds by doing to same. I run away from that coffee shop as quick as possible and cry all the way to my hotel, thinking about how I'm never going to see that smile again.

-

five months later

"Yes, mama, I'll make sure to drop by the drugstore. Yeah, I know what kinds you need. No, no, I won't. Love you, too. Bye, mama", with that, Nicole hung up the phone. She sighs deeply and sits back down on the couch. Her tiger-striped cat peaks its head up to see if Nicole is okay and she responds with a weak smile.
"After all, I'll still have you, Janey."
Quickly, the cat seems to forget about making sure her human is alright, as she starts rubbing her belly softly. A soft purring fills the quiet room.
"Man, I really thought it was her again." Nicole knows it's no use waiting for a cat to answer to her problems, but she likes to talk to Calamity Jane as if she was a person, anyway.
"How long has it been, now? Four, five months? Why am I still thinking about her? I shouldn't, she doesn't care about me, in fact she doesn't give a single shit about me." After endless un-replied text messages, multiple missed calls and a few drunk midnight voice mails, Nicole gave up. She decided it was no use and she felt more stupid than ever to have even thought she could've been friends with the short brunette. But because she gave up trying to contact her, doesn't mean she forgot about Waverly completely, though. To be honest, she did quite the opposite. She must have thought about her every single day since she walked out of that coffee shop. At the beginning it was all sweet; she foolishly daydreamed about the way she danced in front of her eyes that one night, thought about the way she had breathed her name when they had slept together. But soon Waverly started haunting Nicole. Nicole couldn't sleep and some nights she even had to drink away her pain. She feels dumb for having gotten so attached to the young woman so quickly. Nicole snaps out of her thoughts when she hears the alarm on her phone and it takes her a moment to get out of her daze and turn it off. She gets up and pets the tiger-striped cat one more time.
"I gotta go to work now, Calamity. Be nice alright, don't rip open the couch again, you bastard." She hurriedly grabs her jacket and an apple to eat on the way to her job, one last 'Goodbye, Janey!' and she's off to Purgatory's concert hall.

Hello, everyone who's keeping up with my story! Sorry for this angst but I think you all must've felt this coming. Oopsies. I just wanna say thanks for reading and comments or criticism would be appreciated!
Love y'all,
Xx Tessa