Their idol

Chapter 2

~21st February 2016~

I'd been practising my audition  since I was convinced by chan-mi, and finally today was the day to prove myself. It didn't take me long to choose my song, but of course that wasn't the problem. Considering I was singing 'as if it's your last' by blackpink, I thought I could learn the dance too. I was wrong. Fair enough a few parts were ok but all of the details made me contemplate whether I should just give up, but of course chan-mi wouldn't allow me too do so, so here I am in the back of my best friend's mothers car feeling sick to my stomach about what'll happen and whether all my practising will pay off.

Both of us realised we couldn't dance together as soon as we got the sign up email stating all the rules of the audition. The thought of dancing alone made my stomach do a full gymnastics routine but I was told by chan-mi that She believes in me. I'll try my hardest that's for sure.

We arrived to the audition place in Seoul at 9:45 and I was immediately gobsmacked by how many people had arrived before us. 500 at least and it's only been open for 45 minutes, how in the world could they get through this many people in 13 hours?

Both chan-mi and I walked to the check in table with opposite expressions. Her, excited with a spring in her step. Me, nervousness taking over my whole body causing me to stop every couple of steps to think if people would notice if i suddenly made a run for it but it was too late. I was now at the front of the line getting asked what my name was and what song I'll be singing.

"My name is (y/n) and I'll be singing as if it's your last by blackpink" I replied trying not to look into the eyes of the man who asked me the questions.

He noticed how uncomfortable I was and looked down at his pad to write down my name and the song to save me from having to make eye contact. "Ok (y/n) you're number is 673, take this sticker so you don't forget your number, it'll be mentioned on the speakers when it's your turn. Until then wait in this room. There's a few smaller rooms dotted around for you to have a final practise before it's your turn"

To be honest that was the best thing I'd heard all day, smaller rooms to be alone to gather your thoughts but I knew I couldn't be a shut in for the entire wait. I'll have to socialise with the other girls to make myself seem nice enough to be given a chance. So I thanked the man for his instructions and off I went.
Me and chan-mi walked hand in hand towards a few chairs in one of the corners of the rooms.

I still felt really nervous so sat quietly only paying attention to the patterns on the wall that faced me. It felt like the walls were quickly  closing in on me which made me feel like I was suffocating. I realised quickly after that I was having a panic attack. I'd suffered them from a young age so this was nothing new. I put my head between my legs to try and control my breathing and after I felt steady and was breathing at a reasonable pace, I got up from my chair and walked to one of the smaller practise rooms. Chan-mi knew what was going on and didn't dare question why I walked away from her.

As soon as I got into the room, I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. It felt amazing to finally be alone to focus and to not hear screaming  girls going on about how they only want this to meet their favourite idols. Unknowingly to them this opportunity means much more than that. Music is the only way for me to let out my true feelings on a matter instead of nodding with a fake smile.

I sat in that room for about an hour. Eyes closed, just trying to clear my mind. I would've been able to do that for at least a few more hours but I heard a soft knock on the door and knew instantly that it was chan-mi.

"Come in" I say loud enough for her to hear me

" (y/n) we'll be going soon, numbers 600 to 650 have just been called in so we'll be next, I hope that you're ok. I can see if they can change your number if you like so you can have more time" chan-mi said trying not to be too close incase I have another panic attack.