Roman Holiday

Don't Forget About Me (Song by CLOVES)

Jean had his hands in the pockets of his light jacket like normal, posture slouched and his clothes violently thrown together in a haste to get to school on time. He had already been threatened with detention if he didn't start getting to school on time. Of course, if he would take his car he would get there in no time, but he still didn't quite trust himself with a vehicle due to his mental state. That last breakdown with Marco had left him shaken up and he was recovering still.

Maybe Jean had finally lost his mind, and maybe he was just stressed out. Either way, he knew he was not well enough to do anything other than school and sleep. He ate, of course, but even his parents were concerned about his consumption, or lack thereof, with their busy schedules. He would see Marco in the hallways and in the parking lot, but he would always feel an ache in his chest and have to look away and avoid him at all costs. Jean wasn't blind, though, because he could see that this was taking a toll on him as well. It broke Jean's heart to know that he could affect the freckled sweetheart this much, so bad that he was occasionally snappy with other people.

Jean had become rather distant with the world in a sense, and he was okay with that. He couldn't risk his secret getting out, Ymir knowing was bad enough for him, and so in order to avoid questions about him and Marco, he just avoided everyone all together. It was the easiest thing for him, in his opinion, because he didn't have to risk another mental meltdown in the middle of class because someone couldn't keep their nose out of other people's business. He had never been one to enjoy school anyway, but he endured it for Marco. His best friend. His partner in crime. His one and only. His forever. But, life would have it that the two split paths once and for all now. And so, the two-tone haired boy walked down the steps that were in the front of the school, hands in the pockets of his jackets, like stated before, clothes violently thrown on, and no one around him as usual. Or so he thought.

"Jean Louis Kirstein." he heard a hoarse voice say from behind him that made him tense up and his eyes widen. He wanted to run, he really did, but what good would that do for either of them? He knew that voice, he would know it even if he were deaf or suffering from dementia. "Jean, look at me." the voice said once, and Jean braced himself. Turning around seemed like one of the longest, most painful things he had ever done. Seeing the mess of a boy in front of him and refraining from running and hugging him was the hardest thing he had ever done.

"Marco-"

"Jean, what did I do? Did I make you mad? D-Did I do something that upset you or that you didn't like? Am I too clingy? Too pushy? What is it Jean? Please tell me, I can't live without you anymore Jean-" Jean cut him off this time.

"No, God, Marco. No, you didn't do anything like that, that's not at all what this is about." Jean felt his heart nearly crack at the thought of Marco thinking that he did something to make Jean leave. Marco went rigid for a moment, his eyes filled with frustrated tears, and his fists grasped the fabric of his jeans. Jean had never experienced this side of Marco before.

"Then what is it, Jean?!" he exclaimed, making Jean flinch in surprise. "Why are you doing this? Why are you being like this? How can you just walk away from twelve years of us? From all of the sleepovers we had, all of the times our parents scolded us for getting dirty, when I would be sick but you wouldn't care because you wanted to be there for me so you wound up getting sick too, from the time when we couldn't sleep without one another because we had stayed together so much one summer? How can you so easily walk away from all of that without feeling anything?" he asked, Jean's eyes stinging every time Marco quivered, his heart breaking at every choke, and his body wanting to cave in at every tear that slipped out of those beautiful, big, brown eyes of his that Jean had gotten lost in so many times without Marco's consent. He couldn't have imagined that he would be the cause of him to be in this state, and it was tearing him apart to be.

"If you think, for one second," he began, pointing a shaking finger at Marco, his voice wavering nearly as much as Marco's and his words seemingly small compared to how loud Marco had boomed only a moment ago. "If you think that walking away from anything that was you was easy for me, you are sorely mistaken. It was, it is, the hardest thing I will ever have to do." Jean informed, making Marco choke once again.

"Then why are you doing it, Jean? I thought we were forever pals, remember?" Jean's heart had almost had too much. "Why are you leaving me? I can't live without you, I can't live. I don't know how to function anymore. My grades are slipping, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I'm almost always having breakdowns, I don't come out of my room once I get home. Mom and dad are worried sick and I can't tell them that it's because I'm worried sick over you and what I did to you. I have torn myself apart over this, because I can't figure out where I went wrong with this. With us, God Jean. You don't know how fast would fix myself in order to have you back." Marco was all but sobbing on the bottom step of the school campus. Jean couldn't be so far away from him right then, ten feet was like a million miles right then as tears fell from those eyes and onto the ground. He ran over to Marco and placed his hands on either side of his face, his thumbs gently wiping the tears from his eyes and Marco violently grasping at his shirt for dear life, as if it was the last time he would get to touch him ever again.

"Hey, shhh, it's okay. You are the most perfect person I have ever had the privilege of meeting. You, you are my greatest adventure. You deserve the world, but the world doesn't deserve you. You have made this the hardest thing ever. I know it's hard now, but I promise it will get better. You'll get over me, find someone new. I promise that it will all be okay." Jean could feel that familiar warmth of Marco, that scent that could only be him, God how Jean was going to miss that.

"Why, Jean? Why are you doing this?" Marco's voice was so quiet, so broken now, that you wouldn't ever believe that he was the nicest, happiest person to ever walk the earth.

"Because, loosing you this way is so much better than you hating me for the rest of your life and mine."

"Jean, I could never hate you for anything. I love you so much, I always have and I always will." and there was a part of Jean that was hopeful of those words being anything but platonic, but he knew deep down and in his heart that those words would never be the same as what he meant them. Jean took a deep breath, his hands still gently touching Marco's face and he looked at him with a broken smile and tears pricking his eyes once more as he found the courage to end it all right then and there. He felt the boy's warmth, breathed in his scent one more time, felt his large hands fisted in his shirt with so much desperation, and looked into his beautiful, dark pools of color.

"My love for you is so much more than the love that you have for me." he said softly, seeing Marco's eyes widen and him stare at Jean's neck area as he soaked in that information, his mouth hanging open slightly, and Jean took this chance to run. He turned away, the hands that were grasping for him so tightly were now loosened in that reaction, and his tears were finally allowed to fall as no one could see them. As Jean walked away, Marco finally processed the information that had been given to him, tears flowing out now as he watched his best friend of twelve years walking away.

"Jean!" Marco cried, attempting to run after his retreating form but strong arms wrapped around him, restricting him from going. His sobbing grew and he continued to shout that name over and over, not even caring about the looks his classmates were giving him and the terrified ones coming from underclassmen. Ymir didn't do much to calm him because she knew how he was feeling. "Jean!" he cried one last time before he allowed his sister to engulf him in a tight hug and let him sob into her shoulder.

Jean had never felt his heart this broken until he heard the broken cries of Marco.