Chapter 1: I Regret My Life Decisions
Stanley Jewbrick was sitting on his computer, writing gay Obama erotica when suddenly the door was kicked down by an irate old man wielding an DVD. "WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS" He yelled.
Jewbrick turned around, and his mouth puffed up like he had just Frenched a grapefruit.
"Oh hot damn
This is my jam
What part of party don't yo u u n der stan d"
"SHUT YOUR ROT!" The old guy creeched. Tears starting running down his cheeks. "Why....?"
Stanley puffed out even more. "So you would notice me, senpai." He said quietly.
At this the author got triggered and threw the DVD, hitting Stanley Cup in the face with enough force that he flew out of the window.
Then Anthony started full on crying, which fucked up his mascara. "Why did Satan have to make me so beautiful?"
******************************
Imawerecat was sitting on the toilet, avoiding social interaction by saying she was constipated. "Top kek" She loled. She'd just rekt a brony on Tumblr, and decided to celebrate by checking out her favorite Jobama blog on reddit.
She got to the page, which only had 5 other followers, and scrolled, before frowning. "He promised he'd upd8 2day..." She complained, speaking of course of Perfect_Pepes2001, the admin of the thread.
Just as she was about to go all YouTube vlogger and rant while blowing it out of proportion, a certain someone crashed through the skylight and fell on her.
"HOLY FUG NICKA!" She yelled all freaked like. The man rose on to his knees, putting his hand on his forehead. Then he noticed her.
"Ohthankgod, a teenager. She'll have a smartphone. Can I borrow it?"
Without waiting for an answer, he snatched it away from her, only to give a soft gasp.
"You... you follow my blog?" "Wait..." said Imawerecat suspiciously. "You're Perfect_Pepes2001????????"
"Yes!" He exclaimed. "And I'm also a famous film director! Though that's just to pay the bills. My true passion is shitposting!" He explained, looking up at the sky all dramaticly, tears streaming down his face. "I getcha, man." Imawerecat said sympathetically. She, too, lived to meme.
"Say, if you're such a fan of mine, do you think you could help me out, and go on a brave quest with me to regain my lost love?!?!?!" "Absolutely not." She replied flatly. "Well too bad. I'm taking you with me."
He snapped his fingers, summoning a hot pink Bugatti, which he then dragged her into.
"Buckle up, m'dude, cause shit's bout to get awesome!" And with that, the magical car started, and their shitty adventure began!
YOU ARE READING
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Fanfiction98% of this shit is written while I'm sleep deprived and/or incredibly bored. The remaining 2% is purposefully awful. Have fun trying to distinguish them!
