"Gerard Arthur Way, what is this?" I scowled and though it was meant rather playfully, I was genuinely shocked.
In my hand I held a sheet of paper, cramped with the most negativity I had ever seen in the very recognizable handwriting of Gerard, my best friend.
He glanced up from his homework and raised an eyebrow questioningly, so I showed him what I had found, hidden under all of his little sketches in his notebook.
"Oh." Was all he said then, before darting his eyes away from me, making me frown a little.
"Oh? Just oh?" I asked, the part of me that wanted to be upset overpowered by the worry that even laced my voice noticeably.
"I was trying to keep myself from having an anxiety attack, Frankie."
"By writing a bunch of bullshit about yourself on a piece of paper?!"
"It's not bullshit." Gerard mumbled, clearly not responsive to my angry tone.
"Where are your pens and shit?" I asked and he didn't even look at me as he pointed towards his pencil case.
I quickly grabbed a bright red pen from it and then stood up from the floor where Gerard and I had been trying to study, but failed due to neither of us knowing what we were actually doing and sat down at Gerard's desk that seemed to never be used at all.
Wether Gerard was doing his art or his homework, it'd be either on the floor or on his bed and his desk was more of a place where he'd put stuff on he didn't know where to put else.
I pushed some of that stuff aside so I had enough room to write on and then started immediately to overwork his idiotic text full of lies.
It started off with one of the things that I was sure anyone who would walk past him would disagree on, that he was ugly, and then it just started getting worse from then on.
I had to cross out everything he had written, for it to be correct and then on the bottom of the paper I wrote my own opinion.
'You are Gerard Way, you're perfect the way you are and I love you.'
I folded the sheet and put it back in his school bag.
I wanted him to see at school or later when I was gone. I imagined how he'd smile a little reading it and I hoped that it would be a better cure to stopping an anxiety attack than what he had tried.
"What did you do?" Gerard asked with suspicion in his voice, not even raising his eyes to look at me. He didn't need to to read me like a book, we were so close, he'd just know.
"Nothing." I lied and sat down next to him again. I didn't feel bad about lying because I knew that he knew I was and I just wanted this little surprise for him that he'd hopefully find in school.
He hummed and finally raised his eyes from the textbook that he had just stared at without his eyes even reading over it and turned to look at me, I smiled a little.
"You want to hear something weird, Frankie?"
"Always."
"The last couple of days..."He trailed off, his gaze going elsewhere.
"Yes?" I asked.
He stared to the ground, his voice slipping away into whispers. "The last couple of days, I felt so-just so sad, like it made me want to...I didn't want to live anymore."
His words hit me like a stab to the heart, making it miss a beat.
I always knew that Gerard felt this way, I just did, but though, he had never said it out loud to me. At least, not that directly.
Me, I had never dared to even give any hints to that–that I'd ever felt that way. Because most of the time, it seemed like I had no fucking purpose.
But I was too scared of seeming needy, pathetic. I just-just wanted to be there for my friend all the time and if Gerard would worry at least half of how much I worried bout him, then wearing my emotions on my sleeve just like that would drag him down terribly.
"Gee, I-"
"No, Frankie." He looked me in the eye again, suddenly showing the tiniest bit of a smile. "I don't-I don't know where this feeling came from, but like...it suddenly just was there. This feeling that-" He made some hand gestures that led to nothing–he dropped his hands again. "Everything is going to be alright."
I blinked at him in wonder, pondering of what to say as I didn't really know what he meant.
He put his hand on my shoulder, with that soft touch that felt like home.
"Suddenly, I just felt fine because somehow I now know that everything is going to be alright."
I narrowed my eyebrows a little in wonder, still not really knowing what was going on in his mind. But, it sounded positive and I liked that coming from his mouth.
His hand slid down my shoulder until he reached my hand, slowly curling his fingers around it, sighing softly.
It were those little things he did, that made me feel alive.
"I really don't know what this means for the future and what is to come, but in my bones, in my fucking heart, Frankie-" He pressed his index finger to his chest, almost violently, so that it startled me a bit. "I just somehow fucking know everything is going to be alright."
I had to laugh a little at that. "Alright then, if you say so."
And I surely did not mean that in any sarcastic way possible, that's the truth, because I trusted Gerard and though, it seemed kind of weird what he was rambling on about, it also seemed genuine, just like casual Gerard.
I squeezed his hand in mine, smiling back at him.
"Then everything will be alright, Gee."
