The Power of Rest

Resolutions

Have you made your New Year's resolutions? Perhaps you've vowed to drink more water and cut back on junk food so you can squeeze back into your skinny jeans. Wherever you've set your sights, you should be aware of two very different types of resolutions.  One is helpful and positive- this is your garden variety New Year's Resolution. The other is nasty and hurtful- this is a Soul Sucking Resolution. The latter will draw you downwards, kill your spirit, take away your natural enthusiasm for life and eat the flower on your birthday cake!  

Most New Year's resolutions you'll encounter in life will prove themselves friendly and helpful. They'll serve a purpose, point you in a clear direction,  provide wind for your sails and move you ahead rather than draw you downwards.  Conversely, you'll recognize harmful Soul Sucking Resolutions by how they make you feel.  

Soul Sucking Resolutions (e.g., I will lose 50lb AND never eat candy or drink anything other than water for the rest of my life) are unrealistic and make you feel like a deflated bag of garbage when the inevitable happens- you break them. You'll abandon them by January 15th (or, at the latest, February 15th) because they don't work.  By heaping massive amounts of guilt and shame on your conscious and subconscious mind,  they will cause your willpower to fry and buckle under the weight of guilt, shame and a going nowhere sense of hopelessness. Not exactly what you're looking for in a life altering, rock-em-sock-em, start the year off with a bang resolution.

Soul Sucking Resolutions usually start off innocent and energizing, as if they've come to whisk your life onwards and upwards towards wholeness and abundance.  But they are often unnecessarily severe (e.g., I'll stop eating all sugar, dairy, anything with a face or all items served through a window); incomprehensibly vast (e.g., I'll organize the entire house in one afternoon); or ridiculous (e.g., I'll fit into my high school jeans in two months, then climb Mt. Everest in a bikini).  A triple threat, they set us up for failure, defeat and embarrassment.  

Soul sucking resolutions are demotivating and are the perfect vehicle for self loathing and self hatred the second we can't meet their unrealistic, over-the-top demands. To make matters worse, they are also too broad,  extreme and difficult to pin down, and don't leave room for measurable success, mastery or motivation because they are downright deflating.

These nasty, unhelpful resolutions are not made with our truest selves in mind. They don't come from the brightest, clearest parts of ourselves.  Instead, they are made by a loud mouthed, foul, spittle spewing critic who lives somewhere in a windowless prison inside our minds. This critic knows just how to hit below the belt because he/she has nothing to do all day but sit in the dark and spin all the ways we've messed up.  ("You've never lost more than ten pounds without regaining fifteen.  What makes you think this year is going to be any different?"; or "There are no decent relationships out there.  Might as well give up and buy a cat.") Our job, as resolution makers, is to tape that critic's yapper firmly shut.  

As we prepare ourselves for the coming year,  rather than vowing to start an extreme diet, hire a live- in trainer or sign up for a trek through the Andes, let's make a new kind of list this year.

Resolve to choose one small but meaningful way to effect change and add happiness to  the world.  Resolve to be happy.  Notice the people who make your life easier,  day in and day out, especially those who do so without asking anything in return.  Smile at them and offer a sincere thank you. Truly notice their efforts.  Grocery store clerks, your secretary, your child's teacher, your boss.  Offer your words of gratitude,  and notice how being intentionally gracious uplifts your spirit.  Resolve to add a tiny measure of joy to the world today.

In the morning,  rather than fret over how many calories you will or won't consume, if your thighs feel flabby or if your hair is too coarse, wavy, long, short or thin for your liking, open your refrigerator and marvel over the fact that you have a choice of what to eat for breakfast. Slow down, take an extra five minutes to make yourself a healthy breakfast. Sit down at the table to eat,  without looking at your phone or watching the television.  Drink a glass of ice cold water,  and know you've just done your body a good turn,  not matter what else you do today.  Be happy (gasp!) with your body.

The indomitable Helen Keller once said, "Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy and you and joy shall form an invincible host against difficulties."  

So as you make your New Year's resolutions,  choose only those simple goals that form a hedge against hopelessness and despair.  Resolutions that lead us into a downward spiral will fall away of their own accord when we resolve to remain steadfastly, resolutely and unabashedly happy.  

* I hope you've enjoyed this essay. I very much thrive on connecting with readers through comments and messages, so please let me know what you think.  Comment, vote and above all, please keep reading! It gives me hope and keeps me writing! :)