I am a Monster

Chapter 5

The short trip to the cemetery slowly became a habit. Every Friday Scott would peek into Isaac's room and watch him pick up the usual rose bouquet from the nightstand. They would walk up to the gate and greet the keeper, then Scott would stop and step aside, waiting for his friend.

"Come. I want to introduce you to my parents."

Scott felt his heart instantly break and melt, at the same time. He was happy to have become part of Isaac's family, even though it was literally half dead.

They both sat down in front of the marble stone, hand in hand, waiting silently for words that were never going to be spoken. Yet Isaac was completely peaceful, his eyes sparkling with clarity and depth like the bluest of seas. Scott couldn't help but stare at those cobalt puddles, completely unaware of the fact that one day, sooner or later, he was going to drown in them.

He remembered of the couple of coins that Isaac once put on the stone, while explaining to him that thanks to those, his parents could keep on living with dignity even in heaven. It was an old custom and he intended to keep it alive for as long as possible. The coins weren't even enough to make up a dollar. Scott digged in his pockets and pulled out three dollars.

"I think your parents deserve these."

Isaac simply smiled and nodded.

While on their way out, Scott stopped to exchange a few words with the keeper. Isaac turned around for a brief moment, just to see his mother leaning on her own tombstone, smiling at him. He had already seen her many times, every time painful as the first. "Is he the one?" whispered the woman. He shook his head. Scott could never be the one. There was someone between them, someone Isaac could never compete against.

Allison.

The date was on a particularly cold Saturdaty, at two o'clock. Allison leaned against the brick wall and looked at her shoes. Lydia insisted to help with the process of choosing what to wear and even did her hair and make up. They went for a knee-length white dress, black pumps and a simple cardigan. She looked like a porcelain doll.

There was this new movie at the theaters that everybody seemed to love, so she asked Scott to take her to see it. Little he knew that the movie was only an excuse. Allison wanted to try and pick up the pieces of their relationship, even though she wasn't too positive about the result. Mostly, she wanted explanations. Scott had stopped listening to her all of a sudden and had started talking about this new friend he made at the hospital, about how unlucky he was and how much he loved french fries. He spent most of his free time with that boy instead of being with her, his girlfriend. Why was he so distant and detached? He didn't even notice Allison's new haircut. Was it possible for them to hang out together without him mentioning Isaac?

"Scott, are you even watching the movie?"

"Uh? What?"

"Are you watching the movie?"

"Of course I am, don't worry." he replied, eyes fixed on the bottom right angle of the screen.

That was the last straw. She stood up from her seat and stormed out of the theater. Scott followed her frantically.

"Allison, what's the problem?"

"What is your problem! You're always distracted, you're never listening, you answer with monosyllables and you always talk about that lunatic!"

"Isaac is not a lunatic!"

Scott raised his voice, offended by the remark.

"Well you know what, Scott? I couldn't care less. I don't need you."

"God, Allison... You're not making any sense with - "

"I get it, okay? I know you'd rather spend your days with him than with me, that you have feelings for him and that most likely he has feelings for you too."

Tears started running down Allison's cheeks, words dying in her throat.

"But it's alright, because honestly I don't feel what I used to anymore. Isaac needs you, I don't."

Scott thought about saying something smart, but there were no words that could heal the bleeding wound. As much as he loved her, he had to admit that he had grown fond of Isaac in a way he didn't think possible. He just wanted to make them both happy, why did it all have to be so complicated?

"It's better this way, trust me."

"Can we at least remain friends, Allison?"

She smiled wearily and kissed him on the cheek, nodding slowly before turning away to leave. Had she stayed a minute longer, her knees wouldn't have carried her - and the weight of the world that had just crashed down on her.

Scott threw himself on the bed like a heap. He looked for his cellphone and dialed Allison's number, but the call went straight to voicemail. As usual. It was after the eighth attempt that he gave up and went back to his history notes, trying to study for the upcoming exam. He didn't even open a single book during Christmas break and now he had to deal with the aftermaths.

His mind kept on wandering, going back to the breakup. Maybe Allison was right. Maybe he was really spending too much time with Isaac. Maybe the glances and the hand-touching implied something deeper. He couldn't deny that he was attracted to him, even though it hurt like hell.

He needed time to process everything. He needed to sort out what he wanted. Did he want to stay with Allison and attempt to make it work between them once again or did he want to try fixing Isaac by being close to him and taking on his issues?

In the end he fell asleep with a textbook on his face.

The only way out was to stop seeing both. He wouldn't go out with Allison anymore and he would stop visiting Isaac at the hospital. By doing so he thought he could finally understand who was more important to him.

Obviously, that was the worst choice of his life.