I am a Monster

Chapter 6

It was a snowy morning in Beacon Hills. The sun's warmth was hindered by the chilly breeze which crept through the streets. Isaac woke up early but stayed in bed, staring at the white scenery outside. The dry grass, the bare trees, the benches, everything was covered in pure white.

A couple of days earlier he had received a brown package and a letter. He decided to open the package first, leaving the letter for later. Upon unwrapping it, Camden's dog tags appeared. He wore them proudly and asked the nurse to light a candle in his place. Some of the patients offered their condolences. Isaac was a good boy, he even managed not to cry. He never opened the letter though, just plain burned it.

He didn't give a damn about the general's excuses, nothing he might have written would have brought Camden back.

Still staring at the snow, he thought about his upcoming birthday and the big cake that the hospital cooks promised to bake for him. He glanced over at the little Christmas tree that Scott had given him as a present. It was nicely decorated and all covered in bright lights. He had chosen to place it on the nightstand because he wanted it to be the first thing to appear in front of his eyes in the morning.

His room had changed a lot ever since Scott stepped into his world. A few days before going back to the army, Camden brought over to the hospital all the posters and pictures that Isaac had on his old room's walls, including the lacrosse team poster. After having put everything up on the bare walls of his hospital room, Isaac had felt at home for the first time in months. He was definitely proud of his job.

His favorite time of the day remained lunch, mainly because of Scott. The boy who liked making fun of other patients. The friend that would take his hand in his own while sitting behind the fountain. The kindest and most thoughtful human being he had ever met. His new family.

He trotted happily to the dining hall with these warm thoughts in mind, only to discover that their table was taken by an old woman wearing a wig. He decided to sit near the window to gaze at the view.

"Good afternoon Mr. Lahey. Today's special is cauliflower soup."

"Cauliflower soup with a side of pills..."

The nurse smiled and left the tray in front of the boy. Isaac grabbed the spoon and dived it in, sneaking a peek at the clock. 12:30. Scott was late.

By 4 p.m. he made up his mind and left the room.

This went on for three days. Three days of agony and mind movies.

On the fourth day the nurse handed him the usual green slop and pills. He waited until half past three but Scott was nowhere to be seen.

The soup had grown cold and salty like the tears that had fallen into the plate. He felt an extreme need to scratch and pinch his skin, slowly but steadily. He wanted it to hurt and bleed. Where did he go wrong? Did he say or do something awful to deserve all that pain? Scott's reassuring words echoed in his mind.

"You know, you should stop scratching."

"Well... It's like I asked you to stop breathing."

"You could always try to do something else."

"Like what?"

"Imagine you're holding my hand. Here, imagine our hands glued together."

"It sounds a bit stupid, to be honest..."

"Just do it. It'll work, I promise."

Isaac looked at his hands. He looked at them and thanked God because without faith he might have choked himself. He pushed the tray aside, making it fall on the floor. The loud noise rumbled in his head and everything became blurry. He felt like a broken doll left on a dusty shelf.

Someone tried to help him up but it was useless. He threw up on the table and started shaking uncontrollably. Melissa's voice reached his ears but he couldn't answer, his tongue paralyzed and his brain dead. He needed Scott but he wasn't there. He should have seen it coming. After all, nice things were probably out of stock and bad things were all that was left for him.

A nurse strapped an IV to his arm, as usual. He heard someone curse and felt sorry for the poor man or woman. He knew that mopping up puke wasn't exactly fun.

Melissa McCall returned home two hours late, starving. Her shift would normally be over at 7 p.m., but the nurse who was in charge of Isaac was sick, so she had to take care of him. She had to make sure that the panic attack was over and that he took all of the meds the doctor had prescribed. As soon as he fell asleep, she left. Upon arriving at home, she tossed her coat on the sofa. Noticing the light in the kitchen was still on, she walked towards the switch to turn it off, but froze halfway. Scott was making dinner. He was cutting some vegetables, kitchen cloth on his shoulder, an eye on the pan to check the steak. Melissa got nearer his son and saw his tired face. He kept on rubbing his eyes and drinking glasses full of water, while glancing at his mother's recipe book. Maybe the breakup with Allison left him upset, or maybe he was worried about the upcoming exam, but what he did afterwards was too familiar to pass as random. He rubbed the palm of his hands on his pants. Three times.

It was in that precise moment that Melissa understood what really counted to Scott.

"Darling, thanks for the dinner." She hugged him tight.

"Mom, I can't stop doing it."

Scott's voice was broken and hoarse. His hands couldn't stop moving up and down the fabric of his jeans.

"Shh, it's ok." Melissa decided to omit the detail of Isaac's panic attack. She didn't want to further alarm him.

"It's like he's a part of me now, mom. I can't let him go."

"It's alright honey, I think I know what must be done." With a big knot in her throat, she uttered the words that made Scott's heart tremble.

"You should go back to the hospital."