The Life Of Isis

|Five|

Excuse any mistakes
Ny'Shaee in MM
"They got money for wars,but can't feed the poor" - Tupac

Omniscient

        It felt like the world was caving in on me and I wasn't myself and I think my friends knew that. Since the party it made me feels things I didn't want to feel and that scared the hell out of me. It brought up all these feelings that were all new for me. I don't come from such a loving family home. Both my parents were too into working than to be a parent by the time I was 4 I learned how to shower by myself and get dressed by myself. Once I learned how to do that and I was left all alone for days sometimes even weeks. They would occasionally have a nanny stop by and stay for a couple days just to check in and then they would eventually leave as well.

     That was until I meet my brother Si believe it or not he was the highlight of my life. I finally wasn't alone anymore and I started to feel happiness. But as you know all things must come to an end , Mom hates the fact that dad had a secret child on her and she also didn't like the fact that I was so close to the child she disliked. Sometimes I wondered if she hated me , did I stop any plans she had in her life by having me ? That's all I used to think about hell that's all I think about now. She's never said any hurtful things to me but I can tell just by the look in her eyes and the affection that was never given to me. She only dealt with me because she had to not because she wanted to and if she could have had her way I probably wouldn't even be here.

   So when Si left after spending a year with us I up and left when I was 16 and nobody cared to notice I mean how would they ? It's not like they were ever home. I started my first job when I turned 15 and I had been saving money up ever since then and occasionally I would also go into there bank accounts and take a little here and there to the point where they wouldn't notice or even care. By the time I turned 16 I had moved out and found a nice house to call home. I paid for this in full and everything was in my name. It was a hassle getting it done but I got it done. Sometimes holding the name of a pretty wealthy family turns out in your favor. If my parents never did anything for me in my life they definitely did this. I kept working to take my mind off things and 40+ hours a week wasn't enough so I got another job and it seemed like I never had time for myself and I liked it that way.

  I have been battling so many demons that this was the break away from them that I needed being alone was probably the worst/best thing to happen to me. With me working so hard in school and at both jobs I was able to afford me 2 new cars off the lot again paid in full all by the time I was 17. And this is something to be proud of and I was for a second but then it all came back to me. I would never find true happiness with in myself will I ? I wanted Isis to be happy and to have her own identity but how can I do that if I  can never let go of the past ? But that's not the question that keeps me up at night will I ever let go of the past ?

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  The different things that took place last weekend blew my mind and it was all just too much to handle. I wanted to be pissed at heem for letting me beat his ass over Ny but I was really mad at myself. Regardless of what she did and how foul it was that's still like my sister and I love her do death. But it still pissed me off that she did what she did I might not know what happened but by the way heem looked she did something terribly bad.

I'm more upset at the fact that my car was damaged and it's blatantly clear one party was the issue and I'm leaning more towards Heem was innocent and Ny was the issue. He took all the heat when he didn't need too. I haven't really spoken to them in a few days Ny disappeared and its best to let her have space when she gets like this and wait it out. I've been back and forth to aunties house to make sure she's okay and it's heart breaking to see her like this.