Desolation boy

Maybe i'm not meant to be loved

I'm so done with waiting

for something good to happen.

I try and I try and I try .

I give the world opportunities

by putting myself out there,

speaking even though I'm scared.

I did what anyone else would do

to get noticed.

But I haven't been.

No one cares that I exist.

No one loves me, no one wants me,

no one waits for my text

or gets butterflies in their stomach

when they think about my voice.

Honestly, the world is cruel, it is so cruel,

and even though it can be beautiful,

I don't think the beauty was meant for me.

I've already been shattered so young,

left by so many, abused by so many,

hurt by countless people.

I've been the misunderstood kid ,

the outcast, the ugly one that no body wants.

Now I'm just a mess

trying to get away from my demons

but they keep pulling me back

and I'm starting to love them

more than anyone else

because they have never left me all alone.

Sure it's destructive

and I'm sure someone is thinking

"but they hurt you".

But you know what ???

They're here for me

every time I need them.

My demons and I get along well

and they aren't cruel to me.

Because I make the decision

to cut my skin not them.

We coexist well together.

We grew up together.

They came in as soon

as my home started to break.

Now after many years have past,

I'm that 16 year old in grade 11

who's empty inside

with a shattered heart

craving for love

craving to be held

so eventually my pieces

will be glued back together.

I'm lost in a sea of confusion.

I'm defeated and broken.

I am alone and filled with abandonment issues.

Nobody wants a broken soul,

no body has ever wanted me ,

and I am so terrified nobody ever will.

I know a lot of people will call themselves an error,

but I mean it,

because that label was meant for me.

I was born to be alone,

I was born to be hurt

by everyone I will ever know,

I was born to always be background noise.

I'm not a beautiful survival story.

I am a ghost in time, living by people,

but never fitting in.