Desolation boy

If God exists, this is a sick joke he's made

When I was created

I was a glitch in the system

That man in the sky is cruel

He looked at my lifeless body

When it was being developed

And frowned

He knew I was destined for pain

So he didn't waste his time on me

He said:

"Here kid,

Have some mental disorders

Have a fucked up family life

Oh and here's some ugly

And have some permanent bad luck

Just for fun how abooouuut ...

You're born in the wrong body?

Yes, perfect.

Now run along little error

Get ready to fall apart

Get ready to have your whole soul

S H A T T E R E D "

That was my destiny made for me

Then I was cast down to earth

And so it began

I was born a boy in a girls body

It's a nightmare to stare in the mirror

It's a nightmare to be behind in life

Because I have to wait for hormones

And surgeries

It's a nightmare to be un-excepted

For something you cannot control

I want to rip my skin apart sometimes

Through school I was severely bullied

Misunderstood

Made an outcast

Never fitting in

At home I was verbally

And sexually abused

Inside myself is a storm

Raging on and on

I tried to end it all

But I failed

Yesterday marked one year after

Swallowing pills

And yesterday

I fell back into my demons arms

Begging to be held

And loved

Begging to be shown the way again

So today my demons delivered

Upon getting off the bus for school

They danced around my head

"Keep your head down" they said

And so I did

"Remain invisible, that way

You won't get hurt" they whispered

I told them "okay" and thanked them

Now I'm sitting here

I know I have to do work

But I'm lacking motivation these days

Even getting out of bed is hard

Opening my eyes is hard

I'm a literal human error

And I've accepted it now

I'm giving up on people

Because all my life

I've approached people to be friends

I've always talked first

Goes to show that I'm unwanted

And I accept that too

I accept everything I am

Because there's no point in fighting

Not anymore

And don't think I'm about to

Swallow pills again, I won't

But I do think

I should've died last year

I've realized that

When you're stranded in the ocean

With nothing to grab onto

With salt burning your lungs and eyes

And waves beating you down

And thunderstorms screaming at you

Sometimes it's easier to sink

Than it is to swim

So I'm done

I'm done trying to be loved

Or cared about

I'm done fighting to mean something

Because I don't

And I won't

And I can't

It's just how it is

That's just how it goes

I'm done