Silence is all l could hear. Hyper and hormonal teenagers chated away in the hallways early in the morning. Who wakes up with a smile in their faces? I don't. I used to but not anymore. What happiness am l destined to wake up to? Who do you wake up for in the morning?
I remember. My will to live. But not anymore. I remember, every morning when l got up extra early in the morning just for him. Him only. For what purpose? l ask myself as l make my way to my locker.
There it goes again. Again l see them. When didn't l ever see them. They made it a priority for my eyes to witness this sight every morning. No. It should have been the other way around. Her, Rebecca is supposed to be the one witnessing this sight. She's supposed to be standing where am l right now; her hand tightly grasping her bag like l am doing right now.
Me. Where am l supposed to be in this moment?
Am supposed to be where she is. Lightly pushed against my locker-like she is right now. Am supposed to have my arms around his neck while my right hand ran through his hair making it messy. Just how l like it. Him?. He's supposed to have his arms around my waist not hers. Smiling down at me and placing open mouthed kiss down my exposed neck. I am supposed to be engulfed in his strongly cologne l had bought for him on his 17th birthday. But she is. Not me. Am not there. Am here-few steps away from them , watching, witnessing how my mornings started with.
But no. My morning, our mornings used to be. Ours became theirs. His and hers. Alex and Rebecca. Perfectly similar aren't they? I miss him. I miss how l used to run my fingers through his blonde hair. His hazel eyes. Brown. Do you like hazel eyes? I love them.
You don't know how beautiful brown eyes are until you fall in love in them.
Rebecca has brown, hazel eyes just like him. Do you? I don't. Mine are colours of the ocean, the sky ;water. Alex likes to swim in summer. In blue water-like my eyes. I love that.
"But do you? Do you love swimming Rebbeca? Do you dear?"
Don't learn darling or you will drown. You are too shallow in his arms. I Am deep.
"Can you love that deep Rebecca? Don't dear. Don't love my Alexander deep because you can't swim. Don't learn.
If he drowns ,don't jump in. Blue Water is not for you. It's his. Ours. Don't dear or you will drown too , but not deep as him."
"Do you know why Rebecca?" I 'd ask her.
"No. He will tell me." She'd state. He won't. I wanted to say.
"No dear he won't. He will fall deep -like how deep l love him. You are too shallow in his arms. You will drown but you won't reach him. He likes blue ,do you like blue Rebbeca?
I know how deep he will fall. My eyes are colour of the ocean; blue. I Am there. His there. Are you there dear?
Don't jump if he drowns because you won't reach him. He won't see you. You won't see him.
He drowned in the ocean-colour of my eyes. His there. Laying still but wide awake because he knows. I know l captured him. The sky is blue. I'd place him on the clouds. I'd save him because l feel deep like he drowned. He layed still and l became free. "
"Jessica?" He'd asked.
"Alexander."
"You set me free. My heart is beating. You unlocked me,Jessica. Are you free Jessica?"
"I Am free Alexander. I have freedom but l can't escape, but you set me free Alex. How could you?"
He stilled but his hair kept swaying left and right above his forehead. Just how l like it. "You wanted to be set free Jes. You begged Jessica. My Jessica, you begged and l let you."
"But did you?" I let out.
"Did l what? "
"Did you want me to set you free like l did? Huh Alex, did you?" My vision blurred and he vanished.
In a faint whisper he'd let out; Rebbeca.
Rebecca, he said and vanished.
"You wanted to be free didn't you? Be free dear but don't drown in blue water. I am not there. You set me free and l flew. Am not there. Don't drown Alexander. Rebecca can't save you. She's too shallow in your arms. She won't reach.
But you did because that's how deep you loved me. You set me free dear. Am free and l flew deeper and higher than you can reach. Don't drown in blue water dear. You set me free. Am not there. I broke deeper than you can reach."
"I won't my dear Jessica ,because you won't catch me. I set you free and you flew deeper and higher than l can reach beacuse l am now shallow like Rebbeca. She will save me. She's shallow. Am shallow, we are even. You are deeper and l am now shallow. We are not even. Let's not be ,l beg. Let's not. "
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