Silent Voice

Chapter 5 - The Conundrum

Glitter reluctantly trudges to her car after her father, and John stares in shock.

Claire just agreed to go to another meeting.

To return to the place that caused her to panic.

To re-expose herself to a group of people that could easily remind her of her past, the past she needs so desperately to move beyond.

How can he protect her, in that place? How can he keep her from sliding back into the PTSD, the night terrors, the screams, the fear of any and all adults, the unwillingness to trust anyone around her?

It took so much time, so much gentleness, to gradually teach that scared little girl to trust her two dads. John doesn't want to risk that progress.

He can't force a decision on her. She's seventeen. And unquestionably obeying every rule set by adults is exactly what John and his husband fought to teach her she has the option not to do. Part of her health is the ability to make her own choices without fear of punishment.

He takes a deep breath. Maybe he's being a little over-protective, jumping right back to the worst-case scenario. It would take severe trauma to undo all those years of love and trust. And if he sees his daughter becoming overwhelmed, he can suggest that she step out again, and she's very likely to listen to his suggestion.

Claire is a reasonable person. And she listens to her father (almost always).

John is a little calmer, now. Calm enough to talk rationally with his daughter. "Claire, I get that you don't want to disappoint Glitter, but I really don't want us to come back here ever again. I'm upset by how some of these parents treat their kids."

Claire is staring at a cloud. She nods, once. She hears. She gets it.

"I understand," she types. "Glitter's dad is a jerk, and Angel didn't stop him. But that's all the reason why we SHOULD be there. Someone ought to be there for Glitter."

Claire looks down. That little girl, alone with a man who doesn't like her, whose only apparent friends are much older than her. Claire doesn't like it. She has to fix it. Has to make it better.

John looks at her face, and it's clear to him how much she cares. She's made up her mind about helping Glitter. Half of him is proud, and the other half wants to yank her out of this situation. They're playing with fire.

But losing his cool will only make Claire more stubborn. And he doesn't want to scare her with worst-case scenarios that could never happen.

So he says "Claire, it's nice how you're thinking of Glitter. But you need to take care of yourself first. You screamed in the meeting. It looked like you had a flashback. I don't want this dredging up old demons."

Claire nods her head again. She sticks the tip of her tongue out of her mouth and bites on it, her lips curved over her teeth to shield their sharpness. She sways from side to side as she thinks. Her dad is making a good point. Of course Claire wants to help, but she doesn't exactly enjoy PTSD either. She needs to balance her own needs.

His point is very logical, and comes from a place of caring. She knows how much her dad loves her. Just like Claire wants to protect Glitter, Claire's dad wants to protect Claire.

This is a quandary. A conundrum.

"Conundrum" is a funny word. Claire likes it. If she could speak, she would say the word out loud, again and again, just to taste the sound of it. But Claire can't manage much beyond controlled shrieking, so she imagines the sound in her head instead.

Angel walks over, bringing Claire back out of her thoughts. He stands facing her dad, with the blue puzzle piece on his t shirt at about Claire's eye level.