to things not being normal

Fractured (I)

Title: Fractured
Fandom: Flash
Characters: Barry Allen, Caitlin Snow, Iris West, Joe West, Cisco Ramon
Pairings: none
Summary: One by one, Barry pushed them away until he was alone in the fractured ruins of Central City // set in the aftermath of 1.23 and between 2.01

o.o.o

There is no time to mourn. No time for Barry to take a break and recover or comfort his friends.

Almost immediately after the singularity had closed, immediately after Barry had taken Caitlin into his arms and whispered, "I'm sorry" over and over again, he had taken off into the heart of the city.

"I have to make sure everyone is okay." Had been his parting words.

And even though the team was broken from their losses, they understood. There were some people in more immediate danger than them.

So they didn't stop him.

As Barry runs through the city, taking in the destruction and the damage, he can feel his heart growing heavier with guilt but he keeps running. He runs into offices, houses, shops and there are an endless number of dead and thousands wounded.

There are 23 dead and 78 wounded before he starts to lose count.

No one's talking Barry through this over his com so he has to check every building himself. Sometimes someone is stuck under a particularly large chunk of debris and he has no choice but to offer some reassuring words that the fire department was coming to get them out.

Super speed does not mean super strength.

He doesn't even know if the department is still intact but he's left a call and he hopes that they'll get there in time.

Everywhere he turns there's a young girl sobbing for her mother, a husband leading his wife to the hospital, grandparents struggling to find their family and in the midst of it, a man of lightning trying to fix it all.

The casualty count goes up.

My fault.

The phrase echoes in his ears as he tries to comfort a grieving brother.

My fault.

He's reminded once again as he passes the destroyed coffee shop, collapsed buildings and recovering civilians.

My fault.

When he thinks about Eddie and Ronnie and how they're dead – they're dead – and they're never coming back and they've left people who love them behind.

And as he speeds through the pipeline, moving about chunks of debris, searching desperately for Eddie's body (because maybe, maybe, it's still down here) he can't help but remember the look of devastation on Iris's face and the sound of the gun shot ringing in his ears.

My fault.

At some point he flashes past his old house and he can feel his heart crack because his parents aren't still living there. Barry went back to save his mom and he didn't do anything.

Maybe it was because of the warning future-him had given or the sudden fear of losing his new family that stopped him. Either way, it had been a wasted trip.

Two people close to him died, a wormhole tried to destroy Central City, his father is stuck in Iron Heights and his mother is still dead.

Everyone close to me gets hurt.

Barry doesn't realise it but he's draining himself of all remaining energy, the psychological torture he's submitted himself to is stopping his wounds from healing properly. When he finally realises that he's gone too far – that he should eat or take a break – it's too late. He tries to fight it but there's nothing he can do when black spots cover his vision and he collapses in an alley.

Joe is the one who finds him and takes him back to STAR labs. Apparently, he and Cisco had been watching the tracker on his suit and started to worry when it was still for too long.

Barry wakes up under the familiar ceiling, hooked up to a bunch of IVs and immediately feels guilty. How could he worry his friends by passing out when they hadn't even recovered from their own losses?

When he tries to sit up, it's Caitlin who comes over and pushes him down with a pointed look. Though her face is stern, she's lost all traces of the joy she had felt mere hours ago and her eyes were still swollen and red from crying.

"You should go home and rest." Barry croaks.

He doesn't say, "It's my fault" because even though it is, this isn't about him. This is about one of his best friends.

She shakes her head stiffly, "So should you."

He cranes his neck to look past her. The Cortex is empty apart from Cisco sitting hunched over in his usual seat with his back towards the med bay. There's no sign of anyone else as Barry opens his mouth.

"Joe's taken Iris home. And Stein went back to check on Clarissa." Caitlin answers softly before he gets the chance to ask.

Barry nods slowly and turns his attention back to Caitlin. "Caitlin, I –," he starts, not quite sure exactly what he wants to say but tries to offer the comfort anyway.

"It's okay, Barry," she cuts him off quietly.

But it's not okay because he can hear Cisco's muffled cries from the Cortex, mourning his best friend.

My fault.

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part two is in the works :) I was gonna make it a one-shot but it started getting too long so I might just make it a two-shot and see how it goes. as you can see, I love angst :") plus, the most recent promo (Hero Reborn) made me really emotional and I just had to do something emotional too.

xoxo

A