Loving Taylor - Loving Bad Series (Sample of Published Book)

Chapter 4 - Part 2

In between flirting with the girl looking up at me with a promise of sex for the night, my eyes drifted across the crowd, looking for a glimpse of Taylor. But before I could stop myself I saw a guy trying to chat her up.

I didn't like the way it made me feel. I frowned. My hand balled into a fist and I smothered my first reaction to beat the crap out of him. It was a territorial feeling that felt so foreign and I had no right to feel it. The twisting of my insides as I watched her talk to him was agony. Girls never held my attention long enough to feel that way about them. It only confirmed how dangerous Taylor was to me.

Let her go, my instinct told me but I struggled to pull my attention away from her.

"You okay?" the girl in front of me purred, pulling my attention back to the girl I was planning on spending the night with.

"Yeah," I said, ensuring all evidence of my reaction was gone.

Even with my attention on the girl gliding her hand up my chest I was still mentally trying to shake the image of Taylor with another guy.

No matter how much I tried to argue with myself and all the reasons to stay clear of her, it was difficult to ignore the impulse to watch her.

While talking to the girl, I found myself looking at Taylor and relief flooded me when the guy walked away, leaving her alone. But my relief was only momentary. She was beautiful, I could see guys already circling her. She wouldn't be alone for long.

You're playing with fire, I warned myself. To help myself remember what it felt like when I let someone get close and what inevitably followed, I allowed myself to remember a memory, one of many, when my mother had promised to clean up her act. I had been hopeful, talking myself into it even though she had told me the same thing many times before, but I had been young enough to believe it.

The disappointment I had experienced when I had found her only a few hours later when she had passed out on the floor, an empty bottle of vodka in her hand, was devastating. I could still remember the stench of cigarette smoke that hung in the air and the combined smell of alcohol confirming she had spilled some on the carpet while she had tried to drink herself into a stupor.

The feeling of disappointment was sharpened by the realization that I wasn't enough for her to try to change her ways. Eventually I had learned that people didn't change, and letting anyone close enough would only cause me to end up with heartache and pain.

I had conditioned myself to go from one girl to another, never making a deeper connection, to allow myself to always be in a position where I could walk away without a second thought.

Remember that feeling of pain. If you let her in that's what will happen. I swallowed as I fought to gain my control. I wouldn't allow some girl I barely knew to affect me like this.

She was dangerous and the only way to keep myself safe was to avoid her at all costs. My thoughts confirming what my instinct was telling me should have kept me from searching for her but no matter what reason I used I couldn't stop my subconscious from looking for her or control how I reacted when I saw her.

I could tell we would be amazing in the sack. The way my blood heated at the vision of her in nothing but her underwear was enough to confirm I was more attracted to her than any other girl I had ever encountered before. Was it the innocence in her that made her more attractive, because she was forbidden?

Enough. I shut my thoughts down. I was going around in circles and it was doing my head in.

"Your place or mine?" the girl asked me, brushing the slightest kiss against the side of my mouth.

The usual thrill of what was to come wasn't there but I wasn't going to allow myself to pass up a chance to bed the gorgeous girl in front of me. I didn't even remember her name but all I needed was to lose myself in her for a couple of hours.

That's what mattered.

"Only one night," I told her. She had to understand the rules I played by.

She nodded greedily. "One night," she confirmed, her eyes holding mine.

She was blond but it was darker than Taylor's. I shoved the thought out of my mind. I refused to compare. Her eyes were a light green and striking. There was no denying she was attractive.

I leaned closer. "You won't regret it."

She giggled nervously but I gave her a reassuring smile that told her I would rock her world, for only one night. With the terms laid out and agreed, I made my move.

I took her hand in mine and pulled her to a dark corner by the stairs. I leaned closer and pressed my mouth to hers. Her lips moved beneath mine. She slid her hands up my chest to link around my neck, pulling me closer. Her mouth opened slightly, inviting me inside. My tongue delved deeper, needing more.

Any unwanted thoughts were pushed to the back of my mind as I slid my hand to her knee and lifted it to rest against the side of my hip, giving me better access to her as I pressed my body against hers. She groaned against my lips and smiled. There wasn't a lot I was good at, but this was one of them. I knew my way around a woman's body and how to ensure they left as satisfied as I did. My hand moved to cup her butt as I continued to kiss her.

At that moment my eyes drifted and caught Taylor's gaze. She stood watching me make out with another girl.

The exchange was like the thrum of an electric shock through me. I had never experienced that type of effect without even touching a girl. The chemistry we shared was explosive. Her gaze held mine. She stood transfixed and I couldn't stop myself from smiling against the lips of another at the thought that she seemed unable to keep herself from watching me.

Then Jordan pulled Taylor's attention away from me.

"I need you," the blond girl whispered against my lips.

It was like a bucket of cold water over me and any drive to bed her went straight out the window. I broke the kiss and surveyed the willing participant in front of me. What was wrong with me? I shoved a hand through my hair as I tried to figure out why I felt like something was changing and I had no way of stopping it.

There was no way to explain my way out. There was only one thing to do and that was to leave. I turned on my heel and went straight for the kitchen without another word to the girl I left standing open-mouthed at my sudden change in action.

"You having fun?" Slater asked when I entered the kitchen.

The scowl on my face made his easy-going smile straighten out. He raised an eyebrow at me but I couldn't explain what I didn't entirely understand myself.

"I'm going," I told him tersely, feeling the tension knot the muscles in my shoulders.

He gave me a nod. "I'll get a lift back to the house."

I gave him a brief nod before I left the house out the back door, hoping I wouldn't run into Taylor or the blonde I had left in the middle of making out.

Inside the car I sat in the driver's side with my hands gripping the steering wheel. It felt like I was drowning. I inhaled sharply as my lungs froze. With my eyes tightly gripped closed, I leaned my head against the steering wheel, trying to pull myself together so I could get out of here before I saw someone I didn't want to see.

There is nothing you haven't faced before, I reminded myself, trying to exhale. My eyes opened to see some people heading out of the house, looking worse for wear.

Remember what you overcame. With the pain of my childhood I felt the strength that I had earned tackling insurmountable odds against me. There is nothing you can't fight. You control your life now. No one else.

My breathing eased and I felt a restoration of some control. I started up the car and reversed. I put the events of the evening down to chemistry to a girl I was set on avoiding for my own survival.

It is lust, nothing more, I told myself.