Carry on my Wayward Daughter: A Supernatural FanFic

The Beginning: The Phone Call

… 2006 …

“Well, I don’t know what you want me to do!” My mother snaps into the phone from our little kitchen. She’s been on it for a good ten minutes, just screeching about things. I haven’t been paying attention, though. Adult problems bore me anyway. I turn back to my dollhouse and begin to play with the dolls inside. A blond Mommy Barbie, who shockingly resembles my mother, is cooking in the kitchen, while a dark-haired Barbie, meant to be an older me, tries on clothes. No Ken doll for a father.

“…” The other person on the line mumbles back something I can’t hear.

“Dean!  She’s seven years old; you just can’t keep avoiding this!” Her hand slams down on the countertop, and I flinch in the living room. I try to go back to playing with my dolls, but it’s hard to focus with her yelling in the kitchen. I give up and wander over to my mother’s cassette tape collection; I dig through her boring music that I’ve heard thousands of times. My smalls hand clasp around one tape I hadn’t heard before. To Addie is printed on one side of the tape; Our Songs on the other.

“…” My mother sighs, exasperated with the stranger’s response.

“I know! I know you want to protect her. But you can’t just see her for one day?” Her voice cracks and my curiosity is sparked, entwined with fear of my distressed mother. I drop the tape back in the collection and wander out of the living room. I peak my head into the kitchen with big wide green eyes taking in a distraught mother with her head in her hands, close to crying.

“…” My mother rolls her eyes; something I’ve never seen her do before.

“Yes, I use the salt. Mhmm. And the holy water, too. I know!” She opens a cabinet I’ve never seen before; filled with random vials and bottles of liquids, bags of salt and scary weapons. I slink back into the living room, scared.

“…”

“Would you at least talk to her over the phone? Now?” My mother pleads with the person on the other end of the line. I take the cassette tape from before and stuff it in my back pocket, with plans to ask her to let us listen to it later.

“…”

“Cassidy!” My mother calls to me, “It’s your father – he wants to talk to you.” She smiles politely and hands me the phone as I walk back into the kitchen.

“Hello?” I ask over the phone that is as big as my little head. My small hands clamped around both ends.

“Hey, Cassidy” I’m not exactly sure what I was expecting, but this isn’t it. His voice is deep, and rough. Hardened by something I later realize as grief. He sounds scary. Plus, he was making my mother cry earlier.

“You can call me Cass.” I mumble into the phone, not knowing what else to say. “Everybody does.”

“No, I already have a friend named Cas. And I don’t want to mix you two up.” He laughs a bit but his heart really isn’t in it, “Cassidy, I’m sorry I’m not around. And that I won’t be around.”

“Whatdoyoumean?” I jumble out really fast. “Aren’t you coming home Daddy?” All my friends have Daddies. Maybe if he came home my dolls could have a father.

“See me and your uncle, we keep people safe. And in order to keep you safe, I can’t see you. I’m not coming home to you and your mother. I’m so sorry.” My brow crinkles in confusion. Can’t you keep people safe here? Keep Mommy and me safe?

“That’s not fair!” I whine over the phone. He can’t see, but I stick my bottom lip out to pout.

“I know, babygirl. Hey, maybe when you’re older we can get together. Have a couple of beers; talk about what a crap father I am.” He reluctantly laughs, “I never wanted to be like my father. I don’t want to raise you the way I was raised. It’s better you stay with your mother. That way you’ll have a real life; a good one. A childhood.” What kind of childhood involves an absent father? A lack of a Ken doll?

“But Daddy –” I whine again, about to state my argument when he cuts me off.

“I got to go, Cassidy. But when you’re older and you wanna get together. Just ask my friend Cas. The other Cas; Castiel. And look out for your mother. Make sure she’s okay.” He sounds rushed, spitting out words too fast.

“Okay, Daddy.” I say and glimpse over my mother who’s looking at me with a mix of nostalgia and melancholy.

“I love you, Cassidy.” He chokes out, voice cracking.

“I wuv you too, Daddy.” I hang up the phone hesitantly after I listen to the dead line tone for a while. I turn to my mother who quickly wipes a tear away from her face before turning to me. She puts on a dead, fake smile and comes up beside me.

She combs a hand through my dark hair and murmurs, “Time for bed, Cassidy.”

“Aw, really?” I sigh, even though I am excessively tired; fighting to keep my eyelids up.

“Yes, really,” She smiles at me and races me to my bed, tackling me and tickling me along the way. I change out of my clothes and into my pajamas, dropping my jeans at the foot of the bed.

“Goodnight, Cass.” She whispers to me as my tucks me into bed, kissing my forehead.

“Wait!” I tug on her sleeve, “can we listen to music?”

“Sure, baby” She brushes hair out of my eyes, “which one?”

“This one,” I say as I reach toward my jeans, pulling the tape out of its pocket.

My mother’s face sinks in when she sees it, “No, sweetheart. Not this one.”

“Who’s Addie?” I ask ignoring her coldness to the subject.

“That’s my name.” She says quietly, as if no longer talking to me. As if it was a line from another period of time completely.

“Just one song, Mommy. Please!” I clasp my hands together like I’m praying, “Please, please, please, please!”

“One song, but that’s it.” She approves, and puts the tape in the player in my room. I close my eyes letting the music fall over me in waves.

“Once I rose above the noise and confusion.

 Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion.

I was soaring ever higher.

But I flew to high.

Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man.

Though my mind could think I still was a madman.

I hear the voices when I’m dreaming.

I can hear them say.

Carry on my wayward son.

There’ll be peace when you are done.

Lay your weary head to rest.

Don’t you cry no more.”

When she thinks that I’m asleep after the song finishes, she kisses my forehead and says “Angels are watching over you, Cassidy.” Then she gets down on her knees and begins to pray. This time it’s different than before. This time she prays to an angel – Castiel. The Castiel my Daddy said to ask to take me to him. I peak at her through my eyes, falling quickly with sleep; my ears trying to hear her whispered words.

“Castiel, I need you to watch out for my Cassidy. Dean’s Cassidy.  Keep her safe. Don’t let her get into more trouble than she’s worth. Don’t do this for me, do it for Dean. She’s his daughter. Please, Castiel. Help me keep her as far away from hunting as you can. Help me keep her away from Dean. Help me –”

But sleep wins this battle and I fall asleep with the words of the day ringing in my head.

I hear the voices when I’m dreaming.

I can hear them say.

I love you, Cassidy.