keep dreaming

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September 2

Falling. I was in free fall, plummeting in the air.

- Ethan! she called me, and the sound of your voice made my heart shoot. - help me! she was falling as well. estiquei my arm, trying to hold it. estiquei the arm, but only found air.

There was no ground under my feet and my hands if enfiavam in mud. encostamos the the fingertips and saw Sparks Green in the darkness. then she slipped by my fingers and only I could feel the loss. lemon and Rosemary.
I could feel the smell of it until that time. but I couldn't hold it. and couldn't live without it. sat suddenly, trying to recover the breath.

- Ethan wate! wake up! won't admit that arrive late to the first day of class.

- I could hear the voice of amma screaming the downstairs.

My eyes focused a point of soft light in the darkness. I could hear the distant sound of rain against the old window farm. must be raining. must be in the morning. I must be in my room. my room was hot and humid because of the rain. why my window was open? my head was throbbing. lay down again in bed and the dream was dissipating, as always happens.

I was safely in my room, in our former home, in the same bed mahogany that rangia where probably six generations of wate slept before me where people don't fell by black holes made mud and nothing never happened. looked at my ceiling plaster, painted color of heaven to prevent the bees carpinteiras do nest there. what was wrong with me? had months I had the same dream.

Although can't remember all, part of which I remembered was always the same. the girl was falling. I was falling. I had to me hold, but couldn't. if I loose, something terrible happen with her. but this was the problem.

I couldn't drop. couldn't losing it. it was as if I was in love with her, even not knowing. type a love before the first sight. but it seemed madness, because it was just a girl in a dream. I didn't even know how it was.

I had been having the dream for months, but in all this time ever seen her face, or at least couldn't remember. I just knew that had the same feeling horrible every time that the lost. it slid off of my hand and my stomach seemed sink, as we feel during fall in a roller coaster. cold in belly. this was a crap of metaphor. it was more like a shot. maybe I was going crazy, or maybe only needed a bath. headphones were still around my neck, and when I looked at the display of my iPod, I saw a song that do not recognized. "Sixteen moons."

What was that? clicked on it. the melody was scary. I couldn't identify the voice, but had the feeling that already heard that. Sixteen moons, Sixteen Sixteen of its deeper fears Sixteen times you dreamed of my tears falling, falling over the years ... was depressing, scary

... almost hypnotic.

- Ethan Lawson wate! - could hear amma screaming even with the music. hung up iPod and sat in bed away from the covers. the sheets seemed to be filled with sand, but I knew it wasn't it. it was Earth. and my nails were black mud, the same way as were the last time I had the dream. enrolei the sheet and enfiei in basket laundry under the uniform workout of the day before.

Entered in the shower and tried to forget all while rubbed hands and the last pieces black my dream disappeared by drain. if I don't think in what, wouldn't be happening. it was so I dealt with most of the things in recent months. but not when it was her. gave no to avoid.

I always thought it. ever came back to have the same dream, even unable to explain it. so, this was my secret, everything I wanted to tell. I was 16, I was falling in love with a girl who did not exist and was getting mad. no matter how much I esfregasse, I couldn't do my heart stop pounding. and even with the smell of soap Ivory and shampoo, I still could feel that aroma. good gently, but I knew I was there. lemon and Rosemary.

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