The Defining Line

5: Defy the System

I wake up to the smell of fresh lilacs in my window sill and the soft waft of teacakes, the day has come where I am united in marriage but it doesn't feel that way. Aren't supposed to feel graceful and beautiful on their day? Like the entire world has presented them that very day just to appease you? I don't feel that way, I barely know the man who I am supposed to call my husband.

"Have you risen lady? We have large preparations this morning." A nurse of Ove's opens my doors and lets the premiere of the day in.

"So early?" I grumble sitting up in my bed.

"It's nearly noon!" She giggles at me.

"So late?" I balance myself to my feet and look out the window she opened, my eyes lids fold until they are used to the bright adjustments; all the chairs have been set at water front with the aisle finishing being constructed by three men.

"Astrid my dear!" My mother calls, I don't have a chance to look behind me. She pulls my arms back into a chair and twines my hair like she had practiced yesterday in this very room.

"Your flowers are picked and set perfectly in bloom, and the musicians are here, the Ottoman is also just arrived in a tight vest, perfect for this occasion-"

"Mother." I grip her arm so tight. "I'm not ready." my eyes shake vigorously.

"Neither was I child." She smiles at me. "When are you ever ready to marry someone you don't know?"

I'm surprised by this answer, since when did my mom even know the concept of marrying a man you din't know? That happened with her and father I'm sure, but she never made a remark upon it before. "How is that going to help me?"

"Because your whole life is going to throw you surprises." She sits me back down in the chair so she can finish tying my hair in tight knots letting the textured ends hang down my back.

"But you and father, you guys seemed so happy together." I pass her ties so she can hold my hair in place.

She breathes out a laugh through her nose. "I'm glad you think that, we hid a lot of our troubles from you and Saga."

My father died when I was younger, he worked far north collecting ice to sell at the market for the blue tag people. Now I sit her in the blue garments, I feel like a shame to my father.

"How am I supposed to stand there with Ove if I'm embarrassed to even sit in these clothes?"

"You smile, listen, and don't forget to do just that."

"But mother this is Ove! He has money and power! He will leave me in the dust the first chance he has!"

"Astrid!" My mother moves in front of me to hold my knees still, I never even knew they were drumming on the floor at the rate they were. "Remember, for every eye Ove has, you have two more." She smiles wider patting the side of my thigh. "Smile and listen."

I don't think she understands.

"Who do I listen to?" I shake my head.

"Ove of course, but once he's gone listen to yourself, you know best."

"No offense to you but father was orange tag, not blue. You had to work to stay alive mom, here I am stuck in dresses appealing my husband any way I can. Forget about my needs or anything else other than Ove, it will always be him first."

She shakes her head like she sees something I don't.

"You will understand soon, you will have more in a second than Ove will have in his lifetime." She looks into my eyes for a moment longer before raising to her feet.