A Greatful Doubt

First Meeting

I am alone. All alone, in this world that is so horrible. I thought I could do it. But I was wrong, of course I couldn't. I am only a pathetic, adolescent. I could never be loved the way I had hoped. Ever. 

"Ha" I hear him laughing at me. Tears burn on my eyes, I can't hold back. I scream at the top of my lungs. I can't bear anymore pain. My life is a living hell, and his laughter puts me over the edge. 

"Oh Izzy, you honestly believed I love you?" He shouts from across the room. 

My heart breaks into a thousand little pieces..... 

I sit upright in an instant, a scream escaping my lips. I look around, where am I? I see my alarm clock, 4:21am. I am in my bedroom, in my apartment, it was only a nightmare. I breathe a sigh of relief. It had been 8 long, lonely, torturous years since it happened. And I was still having nightmares. 

I climb out bed and enter my small ensuite bathroom. I examine myself in the mirror, I have no color in my face, sweat sticks to every inch of my skin. My eyes looked scared, my hair knotted. I'm a mess, I think to myself as I get back into bed. I don't need to be awake for another 3 hours, but I am terrified to return to sleep. I don't want to think of what happened. I lay my head back down on my soft pillow and shut my eyes. 

KNOCK-KNOCK! I hear someone banging on my apartment door. Ugh.... I look at the clock, 7:36am. Well, at least I made it back to sleep without anymore nightmares. 

"Coming!" I say, stretching and heading to the door. 

I open the door, and there stands the only person in my entire life to stick by my side. My best friend, Cassandra Edwards. She looks as gorgeous as usual, even this early in the morning. Her perfectly curly hair is framing her face, not a strand out of place. She has on some natural looking  makeup that really accents her prominent facial features, she is wearing a tight black pencil skirt with a peach colored blouse tucked into it. Very professional as always. She is wearing nude pumps, and is carrying her light blue messenger school bag and two coffees. 

I smile at her, "Hey, Cassie." I open the door wider as she walks past me. 

"Your not even dressed?!" She said sounding alarmed, and shocked that I am not perfectly ready this early in the morning. 

"I just got up." I say yawning. 

She gives me a look, while handing me my coffee. She always knows exactly what I need, Coffee. I can't function without caffeine in my system. 

"Did you have nightmares again> You have serious dark circles under your eyes." She asks sounding concerned. As usual she just knows. 

I nod, frowning. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asks curious. 

"Ugh, what is there to talk about Cassie, it was 8 years ago since Brian...." I stop unable to continue my sentence. "And its not like I ever knew my dad, and well I got over my mom a long time ago, she died end of story. I'm alone, no need to explain it" I snap, harshly. I have never told anyone what happens in my nightmares, in fact besides the police officer who found me, no one even knows what happened between me and Brian. Not even Cassie, I tell her everything, except that. I haven't been able to open up to anyone like that since Brian broke me. 

"I get it, sorry. And your wrong, you are not alone you have me, forever... you know that right Iz?" She says, trying to remind me that she isn't going anywhere. 

I nod, just for her benefit. It doesn't matter how many times she says it, I don't believe her. Everyone I have ever cared about left, and she is no different. I have some serious abandonment issues, I know.