Rant.

...mental health deteriorating even more

Fool for you- Zayn
I don't understand beef, well I do but I don't see why it's such a big deal. Been through mad beef with one of my best friends, and I've said some shit that I totally regret, and I think our friendship will never be the same again. I need to tell school about what's happening in my life but they genuinely don't care and I feel like I'm literally so unwanted right now.
Am so close to literally doing something stupid again, went to phat maths tutor, and realised how much of an actual idiot I have, I know I'm not going to succeed in life or in any of my exams, it's getting to the point where I'll just be in normal conversation and will break down crying, in my maths tutor for every small error I made I cried. I feel so weak and stupid. Bitchy girls get on my nerves even though I am one, it's weird how powerful you feel when you're the one doing the bitching but how low you can feel when you're being bitched at. Tomorrow's going to be a shit day and I can already feel it. I just feel sosososososo shit all the time I can't even cope anymore. It also irritates me when girls lowkey insult you and then when you confront them about it they say it was just a joke, 'for example, on Tuesday I had said to me that one of my friends was pretty and that I wasn't.' In which I replied, 'what the fuck?' And got told it was some sort of joke, well it isn't, it's a horrible little petty insult that festers inside me. People don't know how much words can effect you. All my trust for others has completely disappeared, so I'm literally having to vent to myself, writing to myself, however I know that this is going to end up being found, and I will get laughed at for what I'm writing. I just wish that u had a positive mindset and a good mental health so I could just shun off arguments and learn not to argue back, as I'm giving them what they want. But when they're calling you names like 'psychotic' and you're receiving messages saying that someone can't stand you, it's hard just to leave it, it just stays with me and is on my mind until I DO have to reply, because it will take the weight off my shoulders. I don't even know what I'm writing anymore I'm just spitting out words that are coming out of my head and trying to make it sound less pessimistic. I am too close to having a full on breakdown and then school will finally find out what my mental health is like, I just don't want them to know that I feel like shit because they will do fuck all to help and will just contact my parents and make them worry, and both of my parents have severe paranoia and depression so I don't want to make life worse for them, but if I just sit in my little bubble then I know it's going to pop.