feeling a rough pain in his throat, he clutches at his neck, leaning over the toilet. it burns his throat . suddenly, a soft feeling runs out of his mouth, as white pours out from his lips.
white petals decorate the clear white tiles.
...
he smiles at me again, warmly. i feel my heart melt. 'how can someone be so beautiful? his smile is so perfect...' i smile back at him until the sudden familiar burning sensation travels up my throat. "gotta use the toilet yugyeom, be right back." i utter fastly as i speedwalk from the living room couch to the bathroom, clutching a shaking hand to my mouth, holding out until i rushed inside the room and locked the closed door behind me.
i hunch over the toilet and let out streams of white flower petals. coughing smaller petals as i go, trying to be discreet and as silent, i could be. some petals end up on the floor next to me as i let out another stream of white flowers. i continue for a while, as i cough up more and more flowers until it was worth an entire flowerbed. finally feeling the pain ease away, i cough a few more petals up and pick up some petals on the floor before flushing the toilet. i stand up, turning around to look at myself in the mirror.
a deadly pale face stares back at me, as i spot a petal at the side of my mouth, wiping it off. i turn on the tap and clutch the sides of my hands together to form some sort of bowl and gather water in it. i put the water in my mouth and turn off the tap, swishing the water around in my mouth, gargling it and spitting it out. i wipe my mouth again on my yellow long sleeve and head out the bathroom.
walking as casually as i could to the couch, i plop next to yugyeom, whose on his phone, scrolling through the feed of some american looking person. the ice on the man's wrist said it all. he was loaded with cash and was probably instagram famous since his follower count exceeded the thousands by a lot.
"what're you looking at?" i ask him, leaning my head into the crook of his neck, staring at his phone. "ah, this is chris brown sunbaenim..." he trails off, existing his instagram app, and closing his phone. he turns to me, opening his mouth before- a sudden ringing emits from his glowing phone, clicking on the answer button, he smiles. he turns away from me, letting himself get engrossed in the cock blocking phone call.
"ah, jungkookie," he follows on with a few hums and an 'ok'. "bowling? sure kookie, gotta get ready..." he trails off. he hums again, raising his voice a bit, before breaking into a smile. "by ourselves? really? just us two? that's great!" he exclaims happily. i look down, feeling my heart sink further down into my stomach. a bad feeling finds its way into my mind before yugyeom abruptly sits up and stands.
"bam, im going to the bowling alley with jungkook, i gotta get ready..." he smiles, walking to his room, probably to make himself presentable. i feel myself tear up, 'he's leaving again with jungkook...' i tell myself. i wipe my tears away, as i hear a shout in the background. "bambam! im going, have fun." he yells before i hear the front door slam.
now i was alone, again. this wasn't the first time this has happened. jungkook and yugyeom started to hang out a while ago, and they're getting closer to each other every meeting. im starting to feel like jungkook likes yugyeom, but he cant. if he does... i'll die, quite literally. the cause; flowers from the hanahaki disease.
i stand up, making my way to the kitchen to grab a packet of instant noodles. since my hyungs were away on a jype meeting, and yugyeom was away with jungkook, i was left alone to tend to myself. feeling a vibration in my pocket, i open my phone.
new post from yu_gyeom!
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yu_gyeom:jungkookie thinks he's better than me in bowling. so im gonna kick his butt!
#bowling #bestfriend #jungkookie #yugkook
likes; 25k comments; 15k
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i tear up at the picture, feeling streams of a translucent liquid trail down my cheeks to my chin, and dropping down onto the plastic wrapping of the instant noodles i had in hand. i feel an excruciating pain feel its way up my throat. feeling such a sudden burst of pain in my throat, i couldn't react properly. i let the white petals make its way down my throat and onto the kitchen floor. every time i throw up, the more painful i feel. my throat, coarse and dry, lets out yet another cough, before letting out another wave of white. i feel my throat burn as i hit my chest, coughing out the last of the petals.
staring at the heap of white petals, enough to fill up a whole box with, i swallow to let my throat feel better. 'how can something so beautiful, feel so deadly?' i wander to myself, grabbing handfuls of white into my hand and putting them into the trash can. i stare at the pack of instant noodles, that's resting lazily in my hand. i realise that i don't need to eat them anyway. i always end up generating flowers in my mouth when eating, then i'll choke on them.
i head over to my shared room with yugyeom, closing the door behind me. i stare at his side of the room, seeing the piles of thrown clothes onto his bed. "he fussed over his clothing again..." i say out loud. i stare at my own closet. 'i should practice our choreography...' i tell myself before peeling off my pyjamas and opening the closet.
i gather a yellow jumper with white stripes on its sleeves, black jogging pants with the adidas logo and three stripes on either side of the pants, a white mask and hat, and a pair of black and white sports shoes. i put them on and head outside of my shared room. i grab the last house key on the countertop, and walk out the dorms, pulling the mask over my mouth and the hat lower.
i hail a taxi to the practice room which was inside the jype building, a few minutes away from our dorms.
arriving finally after the silent ride, i pay the taxi driver and force a smile to him. i mutter thanks before rushing over to the empty jype building. i shove the keys into the entrance and type in a passcode. i walk in. i lock the door behind me and turn on the lights and walk downstairs, where the practice room was.
if practising was enough to make me get rid of my thoughts of yugyeom, then practising is what i have to endure. if coughing up painful masses of white petals was the result of loving yugyeom, then practising hardcore was the result of trying to forget yugyeom.
i finally end up in the dull practice room and turn on the lights. as they flicker on, i throw my bag onto the couch in there and turn on the computer that was hooked up to the junction of cable and wires a top of a metal table. i take off my mask and set it next to my bag, as i hear our title track come on.
if i was ready to cough up petals for yugyeom, i was ready to go through the painful disease for him.
'im never giving up on him.' i tell myself as i let a flood of white petals flow out of my slightly parted lips.
