Theres a rant tag going on so I got tagged by my babe Artisticawkwardness to just pick a rant and rant XD
Welp here we go.
I have serious anxiety. So here's a little recent story about that.
It was recently my birthday so of course I knew that everyone at school was gonna tell every teacher, it happens to everyone. So the biggest group of people that I have for a class is at lunch and band. So OF COURSE That's when everyone decided it was time to sing. TWICE at band came first. So yadda yadda everyone is singing and then there's me.
Everyone is looking at me.
I forgot how to breath out of my mouth because I was so scared and self conscious.
Everyone is looking at me.
I start to wheeze. That's also what my laugh sound like so everyone assumes I'm laughing. I'm not. I'm wincing at all the noise and the eyes that are all pointed to me.
Everyone is looking at me.
I'm having a panic attack and I'm in the center of attention where Everyone. Is. Looking. At. Me. My head starts to pound and try to put on a smile. I push out a smile to my friend next to me who smiles back.
The first time is over. Then the teacher comes out and it happens. Again.
Everyone is looking at me, again.
The same panic attack replays again, the same reaction from everyone else and me.
And next period is lunch.
Even more people.
My heart is pounding.
A lunch attendant comes out and once again everyone is looking at me.
My friends are all smiling around me and I start to feel very trapped and claustrophobic. I try to plaster another fake smile but I cant. I start breathing heavily trying to focus on anything but all the people that I know are staring at me from behind.
When its finally over my chest hurts and my head is pounding. My breathing is shaky and I don't want to talk. I need to focus on breathing.
I'm facing away from everyone but I feel their stares and I can't calm down. The bell finally rings and I'm free, to my next class at least.
So yeah, I have terrible social anxiety. This makes me feel really self conscious all the time. I hate being the center off attention. When I get anxiety attacks I feel terrible for trying to avoid the people around me because I cant talk, and me feeling guilty for this only makes it worse. Its like a chain reaction inside my head that makes me feel worse and worse.
Anyone who has anxiety, I'm here for you. A lot of people have it worse than me and I really commend all the super people put there that are pushing through and staying strong.
Luckily I can hide or cover up my anxiety a little better than others so I can keep it to myself.
And I am so grateful for Artisticawkwardness who is there to help me. She is always the one to try to help me get out of my spells and focus on something else. She is really amazing, she is my world and I would do anything for her, Ill always be here for you too babe. You make things so much better when you're around and I am so sooooo happy to have you in my life. Ilysm bb <3
Ayooo this is a pretty depressing rant XD Im sorry!!
But heres some awesome people I tag (hopefully you guys have some less depressing rants XD)
YoutubeObsessedQueen
TheHiddenSpirit
TheUnrealisticMoon
whenIwasadankmeme
