lost in translation || BTS

how much more to know?

"I-I wanted to fight for you, explain to you how I've been wronged. Apologise to you for lying about so many things...."

He slowly dragged me towards the washroom when Jimin rustled the sheets indicating that his sleep was being disturbed. A 'hmm' escaped his lips, and I took it as him asking me to continue.

"Bu-but I couldn't, because...because of Ma..." everything came back to me like a movie that I'd watched a few hours ago. I sat myself on the toilet seat after closing the lid, and Taehyung crouched down in front of me.

"What did that bastard do?" His angry tone was back, but thankfully it wasn't directed towards me.

"He....Taehyung, I'm ashamed to accept this, but I didn't fight back. I wasn't strong, or spiteful. I went full submissive with him. I was the complete opposite of the woman you fell for...."

He kept both his palms on my shaking knees, and stroked my skin.

"What happened?" There was fear in his voice. And I didn't know why.

"He ab-abused me. He acted sweet most of the times, fed me, took care of me. But only because I agreed to whatever he did, and didn't protest. When I did something that was wrong, according to him, he'd hit me....and have....sex with me. Endlessly. Till I was sore, and begged him to stop. Till I cried...and..."

I started to cry now, but he didn't move a muscle.

"...and I just sat there, bounded. By my emotions, and by literal bounds."
"Why did you keep quiet?"
"Because he had something against me. To blackmail me."

"What?"

For a few moments I went back and forth, thinking whether I should tell him. But then I gave up on holding back.

"There was a girl, who disliked me. Because I was...different. When we were younger, she'd pushed my into the river, and made fun of me. I moved to DC quick after that. But I didn't forget her. Around eight months ago, I'd found her on social media. And without even thinking, I...I told my fans that she'd bullied me when I was younger. They all attacked her, verbally. Started cyber bullying. I didn't know it, but my fans in Seoul started to stalk her and physically hurt her......she killed herself soon after. And Ma said that it was because of me."

Taehyung only stared back at me, as I shamelessly sat stiff without even a slight hint of guilt shadowing over my face. I'd been feeling guilty for so long that my normal face had become that. That's why I looked morose, and dull. This is the effect everything had on me.

"I'm sorry for her...but you believed Ma?"
"Yes. I am at fault. I shouldn't have enjoyed the bullying she suffered through."

"Ma has been working here for over a year now, and I've seen him with a lot of girls...do you have any pictures of her?"

I didn't get what Taehyung was trying to presume or prove, but I looked for my phone and showed him her Instagram account. All her pictures filled with comments that she should die, or she should be guilty for hurting someone as nice as me. I'm not nice, only if they knew.

"I've seen her with him, I'm sure. Come here." He dragged me to the boys lying down, and woke Jungkook up, who growled in annoyance. All three of us walked back to the washroom as the younger boy rubbed at his eyes and washed his face at Tae's order.

"Does she look familiar?" Taehyung asked him, once Jungkook had gained his vision and conscious self back. He squinted his eyes and looked closer into the screen. After a few seconds he nodded vigorously and started to panic.

"Oh god, she's the girl that jumped from our roof!"

What?

"Exactly. We didn't find out why she did that, did we?" Taehyung asked in a hushed tone, as Jungkook scratched the back of his neck and shook his head no.

"Her boyfriend was cheating on her." We all turned to find Jimin leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed against his chest.

"Ho-how do you know?"

"He'd told me himself."

Jimin walked closer to the three of us, and sat on the edge of the bathtub. Jungkook sat beside him, and Taehyung squeezed my palm tightly.

"Wh-who told you?"
"Ma."

Taehyung turned to face me, but I collapsed on the floor before his eyes could meet mine. Jungkook's eyes were wide, Jimin rushed to help me up, but Taehyung had already scooped me up in his arms.

"That's enough for now, she needs rest", Taehyung harshly spoke to the boys who were asking questions as to why I fell like that, and what exactly was happening.

It was around 4:00am now, as Taehyung placed me on the mattress and covered me with a blanket. Jimin and Jungkook quietly slept beside each other, Jungkook's back against mine, but wide apart.

Taehyung slept in front of me, his fingers tracing the dried up tears on my face. I wasn't crying anymore, I felt too empty to do that. My hands clasped and under my cheeks, his left arm around me and right hand busy with my face.

"You haven't told anyone else about this?"
"The older ones know, except Jin maybe."

He felt a little taken aback, I could sense it in his aura. But he only scooted closer to me, closing the gap between us as our chests collided. He pecked on my nose slightly and I shut my eyes.

She didn't kill herself because of me. It was because of Ma. Ma was her boyfriend. He cheated on her, meaning he'd been with many other girls. So he lied about always loving me, or he was just disloyal like that. He blackmailed me with a crime that he committed. I was enslaved by him, and agreed to remain weak for something that I didn't even do. I was wrong to bully her, yes. But not to an extent that I'd be abused constantly, that to by someone who had no right to bring justice to the girl.

When I let all that sink into me, I finally broke. I wanted to be loud, but that would wake the others up. With the amount of love they've showered upon me, I couldn't possibly have them be disturbed by my crying.

Taehyung's face turned soft as he saw me bite my upper lip to stop myself from making any noise. He shushed me with his deep, slow voice and kept caressing my cheeks. When I whimpered, as my lips parted, he rushed his face towards mine and kissed me.

I was too involved in whatever information I'd obtained to be pleased with the kiss. But it felt warm, and protective. His leg wrapped me, and so did his arm. I was snuggled very close to him, our faces attached to each other all the while. When I became breathless, he pulled away. His eyes warmer than the kiss we just had, his slight smile more beautiful than the sunsets I didn't admire in Jeju Island. His face more unreal than everything that was happening around me, but the only thing that kept me sane and tact in reality.

"Taehyung, I love you. Please, don't leave me. I'll do anything to make up to whatever I did, I swear."

"I can forgive you, that's all." He still held me close, my chin over his shoulder so that I could openly breathe. His large hands resting on my back and stroking constantly.

I can work with forgiveness, but my selfish self wants his love. Wants these kisses to be showered on me every day, every minute.

"Please...." I murmured again, and slowly fell into deep slumber.