The Rusty Old Minivan

Chapter 13

They strolled down the pavement on a quiet residential street. The sky was pitch-black, safe for the stars and the moon, vague through a screen of night fog. A streetlamp cast a dusty yellowish light down on the top of Harry's hair and the side of his face, making his eyes twinkle.

Or maybe that last part was just him.

"So," Louis said, when Freddie had dozed off in the stroller, "what's your take on Lots and Chacey-boy? Hear any wedding bells ringing in the near future?"

"I mean," Harry scrunched his nose a little, his chin pushing forward by default and Louis mused at how one could be so big and filthy one second and then so much of a cheeky little child the next. "I think if I were Chace, I'd want to wife Lottie up quick. You know, before she realised how much of a pretentious dick I was."

Louis nodded, clicking his tongue. "Smart thinking."

"Yeah. No, I mean, he's probably nice enough, behind all the- the, you know, bullshit. He's only, what, fifteen?"

"Seventeen next week."

"Christ, he's got to start adding some more fibre to his diet. - Anyway, I don't want to say anything mean about him if your sister's, like, really in love with him. If she is, she might actually stick with him and then it's just sort of embarrassing that I've talked shit about him. You know, in the long haul."

Louis smiled down at a crack in the pavement. "So you're assuming I'll keep you around for the long haul, huh?"

"I'm not assuming anything. It's just 'what if's." He reached over, giving Louis' waist a little squeeze. "Wouldn't want to make you feel trapped, Tommo. Like you've got to settle down or anything. Buy a trailer-home and have seven kids."

Louis rolled his eyes, snorting, but it also made him think. Those bitter little inevitable thoughts that crept in whenever he looked at Harry and felt a little more than he knew would be good. Harry was nineteen. Harry was going to go off, look for bigger things, want something more out of life. At some point, even if he thought right now that this was enough, it wouldn't be. And even if he would ever be willing to give those things up for Louis, Louis would never be willing to let him.

He didn't voice his worries, but Harry had to have noticed something in his face, because he asked, softly, "what's on your mind, babe?"

"I... nothing," Louis looked down into the stroller where his son rustled, made a soft little sound and then went quiet again. He reached down, tugging Freddie's blanket up a little. "Just enjoying a bit of peace and quiet."

Harry hummed in agreement and his hand came to rest on the small of Louis' back as they walked. Louis took one hand off the handlebar of the stroller and moved it over to take Harry's hand off of him, lacing their fingers together instead. Their joined hands swung easily back and forth between them in rhythm with their steps.

"You know," Harry said after a bit, and when Louis looked at him, his eyes were on Freddie, "you're so lucky to have such a lovely family. And such a lovely little kid."

Louis smiled, his eyes going to Freddie as well. "Yeah. Luckiest guy in the universe. Honestly."

"How is it?" Harry asked, "being a dad? Like, is it true what they say? That the moment you see the kid, it's just like everything snaps into place? Like your entire life suddenly has meaning?"

Louis took a moment to answer. "For most it is," he said when he finally found his words, "I don't think I've ever met anyone who didn't lovetheir kid – at least, in the sort of way that you do when you first hold them and you've made them and they're just the most beautiful thing you've ever seen in your life and it's just... you know... mind-blowing. But," Louis shrugged, gazing out at darkened street before him, "but that's really not enough."