A Summer In Arizona || A Lady Gaga Fanfiction

Chapter 30 - And What About Our Future Plans?

After I dropped the pregnancy bomb on my parents, my dad made us a way too large pan of spaghetti, because he strongly believed a good plate of food could fix anything. I wasn't too sure about that, but I was hungry as hell so I was grateful for it. I hadn't eaten at home in such a long time and it made me feel like a child again. It was nice to be with my parents, because thinking of going back to that enormous penthouse all by myself instantly made me depressed.

At midnight I went up the stairs and found my old bedroom that was still exactly in the same state as when I left my parents' home when I was seventeen. I had tried to persuade my mom to turn it into a nice walk-in-closet or a some extra storage space, but she didn't even want to think about it. That room was my room even now that I had my own Central Park penthouse. That night, however, I was happy my room was still there, because it made me feel like I could go back in time. Back to a place that was happy and drama-free. I didn't want to be alone that night.

When I walked into my room, it was like the time had stood still. The walls were still babypink and covered in vintage posters of stars like Bruce Springsteen and Madonna and I had even stuck a few pictures of me and friends on it. I chuckled when I looked at them. I hadn't even changed that much. The bed was made and on the right side of the room was a beautiful dresser with a big mirror. I could still remember sitting in front of it and putting make-up on right before I went to bed when I was 13. I was already crazy back then. I sat down in front of it and looked at myself. My face hadn't even changed that much. I'd acquired a few wrinkles throughout the years, but I still had those chubby cheeks and bright green eyes that were a perfect mix of my parents. This time, however, I wasn't a girl anymore, but a woman. I still couldn't believe I was going to be a mother. In fact, I kind of already was one, because I took care of the little thing that was growing inside my belly. I swallowed.

I got up and walked over to my closet. I found some old pyjamas and as I was putting them on, I saw an old photo-album laying on the highest shelf of my closet. I stretched and could just reach it. Sometimes I really wished I would've been a little bit taller. Only a few inches. My life would've been so much easier.

After I had crawled into my bed, I grabbed the photo-album and browsed through it. My mom gave it to me as a graduation present and it basically contained the most memorable moments of the first 17 years of my life. It made me tear up right away. When I got it after my graduation I just quickly took a look at it, but didn't realize how sweet it was of her. My head was already at the graduation party. She had written a line of text underneath every picture and it was so cute. The first one dated March 28th, 1986, my birthdate. In the picture I saw my mom holding me at the hospital, right after I was born. Beneath it she had written in her beautiful cursive: the best day of my life. The rest of the album was filled with such pictures and touching words. I saw many things pass by: Stefani's first bite, Stefani's first piano lesson, Stefani's commune, Stefani's first sleepover party and Stefani's first boyfriend. I looked at them with a huge smile, but at the same time the tears were rushing down my face, because the book made me really emotional. I realized how amazing my mother was. She had always been there for me and didn't miss any important moment in my life.

I was still looking at the pictures when my mother appeared in the doorway.

'Are you okay, honey?' she asked.

I nodded silently, while I wiped my tears away. My mother knew me long enough to know I meant the opposite, so she closed the door behind me and walked into my room. When she was near my bed, she said: 'Make some room for me, please.' I laughed and moved to the side so she could come lay down under the covers with me. She smiled when she saw what I was doing. 'You found the album.'

I nodded. 'It's so beautiful, mom. Thank you. I never really took the time to look at it, but it's so sweet. You're such a good mom. I never told you, but you really are.'

She smiled while she locked a few strands of my dark hair behind my ear. 'That's because I have an amazing daughter. My motherly instincts are telling me, though, that you're crying about something else.'

I sniffled and thought about what I was going to say to her.  'I don't want to cry, but I'm just so scared.'

'Why are you scared?'

I sighed. 'I've always said I wanted to have my own family when I grew up and one of my greatest wishes was to become a mother, but this... this is just going way to fast. I don't know if I can do this, because I'm really, really not prepared for this and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get my shit together in seven months.'

My mom smiled. 'No one is ever prepared. Motherhood is one of the hardest tasks in life, but I'm sure you can do it. Stefani, you're such a good person: you're friendly, modest, incredibly sweet and besides that very smart. I'm sure you'll pass all of these qualities on to your child and that's one of the best things a mother can do. Of course, it's so fucking scary. I'm sorry about the cursing, but it truly is fucking scary, but the moment you get your child in your arms, everything changes and when it's really hard, we will be right by your side, because we will never leave you.'

'I know,' I said, 'but it's so unexpected. I always thought I'd get pregnant after marriage, when my life finally would settle a bit. I don't know if I want my kid to grow up in this crazy world. I want it to live in a safe, peaceful environment so it has all the space to grow into the person it wants to be, not who the media wants to be.' As I was saying that I realized I was exactly describing life at the Little Horse Ranch.

'What are you thinking?' my mom asked.

'That's exactly what life in Arizona looks like,' I said. 'Life there is simple, yet beautiful and inspiring, but it's just impossible. My life isn't meant to be like that. I'm from a entirely different world and I know I should just accept that, because I've chosen  it, but my kid never will. That's really not fair.'

'Why don't you just meet somewhere in the middle,' my mom proposed. 'If it makes you so happy to be there, why don't you just go? Honey, it's your life. You can't let the people around you stop you from living it. Okay, you're famous and your child will be too, but you can try to make the best of it and who knows? Maybe your child will love it.'

'I just don't know,' I sobbed. The pregnancy hormones were acting up. 'I'm so confused.'

My mom hugged me tight. 'That's perfectly fine. You're really overwhelmed right now, but that will change. You just need to allow yourself some time and don't worry that much. Being pregnant is a wonderful experience.'

'I'm not too sure about that,' I said. 'I've never felt this bad in my entire life.'

My mom chuckled. 'That will change, I promise. You're creating a new life. I'm so proud of you.'

I smiled. 'Thank you. I'm so glad to have you. You're the best.' I closed my eyes and enjoyed my moms warm and loving embrace. 'Will you stay with me tonight?'

'Of course, baby.'