happy endings are for fairy tales // kiani au

FOUR: JORDAN

2 april 2017

we move to sit at the farthest corner of denny's quietly, in unison. must have been gut sense, i deduced, a subconscious move made to protect ourselves from view of the public. i couldn't blame him for doing that; besides, i didn't want to be seen with him either.

only short exchanges had been made during the car ride. i was starting to worry that it would continue like that, awkward throws of words in a dying attempt to strike a conversation. i wouldn't forgive myself if that happened. where had my confident self gone when i needed him the most?

then suddenly, i see him. my flipped persona and alter ego. his silhouette overcasting her, crumbling. falling. disappearing.

..gone.

fuck. i close my eyes for a while. erase the thought from my memory. go back. think about the fact that i'm out with will. not in that fucking house.

"you ok?"

i nod, opening my eyes. "sorry, just thinking."

"oh, right," will skims through the menu. i stare for a while. he'd stolen my confidence, and i'd stolen his happiness. as depressing it sounded, i always thought it had a captivating elegance to it; a tragic version of stealing each other's heart.

and here i was, sitting right in front of him. eating lunch with him like nothing happened. i quickly recollect all my thoughts and throw them away. there was nothing left for me to think.

"you can order, i'm not that hungry," will adds, twisting his finger around the long parts of hair and fiddling with it. he does it all the time, either with any nearby string or his hair. a nervous habit, he had revealed to me a long time ago. did he know i knew? or did he forget?

"come on, you can't just come to a restaurant and watch someone else eat," i disapprove his stance, "what's the point?"

he shrugs. "i lost my appetite."

again, i can't blame him for that. i, too, would have been too overwhelmed to eat in the face of someone who fucked up my life as much as i did to his. but i can't give up just yet.

"i'll pay for it," i offer.

this time, he looks up from the menu he had been staring at, eyes glowing.

"wait, did i actually say i wasn't hungry?" he smiles, scanning the page of food again, "what i meant to say was: i haven't eaten breakfast. and i'm fucking starving."

the tip of my lip perks up. this version of will is more like the one i used to be familiar with.

"hey, ready to order?" the waiter approaches us. she looks up with a bright smile plastered on her tan skin, hazel hair pouring down her shoulders. her eyes meet mine and it loosens. i recognise her in an instant.

"jasmine?"

"j-jordan! hey, i haven't met you in a while!" she grins even wider now, hands fluttering awkwardly around me in an embrace as i stand up.

"jeez, i thought your shift was from 8 to 10? what happened to that?" i sit back down.

she bites her lip, wincing a little. "i had to switch with my colleague. change of schedule," she replies.

"makes sense," i tilt my head to the side. a hint for her to continue until i realise will had been waiting there, confused the entire time, "oh, will this is jasmine. she's an old friend from church."