happy endings are for fairy tales // kiani au

SEVEN: JORDAN

2 march 2016

how did i end up here again?

the fan whirls above me, the uncomfortable plastic chair next to an air freshener which stinks of the dentist. limp magazines nobody ever read lay dead next to the radio, which was never used.

i'd forgotten, really. having to go to detention had become more of a routine than a one-off occasion. sometimes it was because i was caught cheating on a test, sometimes i had got into a huge fight with some asshole. my record was too long to remember. i had stopped bothering after the first five times.

the door opens and closes. the person pauses, then sits next to me with hesitation. i turn to my right side, having to tilt my head upwards to see the person's face. he's taller than me– obviously. bushy brown hair suppressed under a grey beanie, the little tuft that escapes screaming to be seen. his chiseled jawline leaves a trace from his hairline to his ever-so-slightly puckered lips. pretty face.

the only thing that differentiates his position on the social ladder is the aura around him. he's afraid, cautious, shy. whatever. but i can tell he's out of my league just by the way he's looking down at his sneakers, playing with a loose thread of his shirt.

oh right, will. from.. was it chemistry? i'm not even sure at this point. my head feels like it had been transported to another dimension, where everything is amplified and all i can hear is yelling. from who, i'm not sure.

"what'd you do to end up here?" i ask. although he must look like a giant sitting next to me, i feel bigger than him as he flinches at the conversation starter.

"someone stuffed cigarettes in my bag," he admits, body still tensed up. i had never understood the effect i had on people, the fear. it hadn't made sense, especially considering how most of the time, i was only scared too.

"and you didn't notice before the teacher did?" i almost laugh. it's like a comedy to picture. innocent brown-haired teenager being framed for smoking. that look of dread in his eyes as the teacher finds a painfully obvious packet. so frightened to be issued his first detention slip.

"no, the guy was sneaky about it," he replies but doesn't explain any further. i shouldn't question, so i don't.

silence lingers between us for the next minute. i couldn't think at that moment, too caught up in everything that it ended up becoming nothing. one thought did keep bothering me. the reminder of a short collection of memories which i had never quite forgotten.

will was always a "nerd". too busy studying or playing video games to have a social life besides his small circle of friends. i saw him around all the time, usually at the table next to us in the cafeteria.

maybe it was something special about him, because he would always catch my eyes first. one time he caught me zoning out, looking directly at him. there was a connection when our gazes matched, suddenly. like he had been waiting for that exact moment as long as i had.

but at the end of the day, will would be the last thing on my mind. besides, what reason would he have to stay? i had my own friends to talk to, my own side-chicks to attend to. if anything, i didn't have time to think about the strange boy who always seemed to be watching, who always seemed to have a burning need to speak when i was around.

"how about you?" he continues the conversation i had assumed was dead.

i ponder over the question again. thinking through what happened, trying to pull out the event. nothing, "i don't remember."