Fuck Under the Thin Sheets

III

"Bakit kasi hindi mo nalang aminin na mahal mo pa siya" Gabriella told me whole helping me do the dishes. She came to my place after i called her and told her about my first part of the plan was already carried out
Nagsindi ako ng sigarilyo saka humithit at bumuga.

"Look. Kung mahal mo siya hindi mo kailangan gawin to. Ask her what happened and make things right for the both of you"

"What we both need isn't the past gab. I don't want to hear her bullshit. Hindi lahat ng tao may rason para iwan ka may iba na gusto ko lang talaga saktan in the first place they never really had a plan to stay but they made you believe them then they left you hanging" litanya ko sakaniya and i saw her sighed.

"Well if that's what you think it is. But remember this kurt, You had courtney in your heart when corinne came and she patiently let you heal first. If she didn't had a plan to stay, she wouldn't try. She loved you. You know that" lumapit siya saakin at hinawakan ang dalawa niyang kamay ang aking mukha
"You deserve to know the truth from her. Don't let it slip away. You deserve to love and be loved back kurt. Wag kang mag sinungaling sa sarili mo" she said and she kissed me on my cheek.

"I'll go ahead. Call me okay?" She smiled at me and i was left there at the kitchen. Pinikit ko ng mariin ang mga mata ko.
Kung totoo ngang may tinatago si corinne saakin then i know it is something that i cannot just squeeze off her. I know her.
Kinuha ko ang phone at nag dial.

"Hello. It's kurt......I have a favor"

🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

I'm still here inside my room and i still do not know what to do. Should i pack? Should i give in to him?

A part of me says that i really do need to make it up to him but the other part says that i don't have to.

In the end, I ended up putting my clothes inside my luggage,
Lalayo nalang ako.
Pupunta nalang ako sa malayo.
Hindi mako papakita pa sakaniya.

I just sighed with desperation.

Ano na ba gagawin ko!!!'

Napag desisyunan ko na lumipat nalang sakaniya.
I just have to endure it.
Yung tangang parte ng isip ko says na gusto ko din to kasi mahal  ko pa siya pero pinipigilan siya ng matalino ko na part saying na masasaktan lang ako at na wala siyang karapatan.

Litong lito ako at sa huli nanalo din yung katangahan ko. Gumawa pa ko ng excuse sa sarili ko.  Tanga diba.

Kinabukasan maaga ako sa hospital na magang maga ang mga mata. Hindi ako makatulog dahil iniisip ko kung bakit bako nagpapakatanga ng ganito sa taong yun. If may kanta lang kami siguro ang kanta ay wrecking ball. Cos all he did is to wre-e-eck me.
"Hayyy"
"Lalim ah, anong problema?"tanong ni raine
"Wala. Tigas kaso ng ulo nung pasyente. Sinabi ng di pa pwede ng antibiotic kasi wala namang virus o bacteria sa katawan pero nagpupumilit parin mag antibiotic" palusot ko.

"Ah ganun ba? Parang yung pag sinabi mo na sa sarili mo na wag mo na mahalin pero pilit mo pa din minamahal?" Tanong niya at napakunot ako ng noo sakaniya
"Corinne i have been with you since we were in Highschool up until med school. Ypu only dated and loved kurt at na recognize ko na mga buntonghininga mo. " she said in a matter-of-factly tone and look.

"Corinne it has been four years and  I may not know everything but i know you. And i believe in you. Hindi mo iiwan ang taong mahal mo dahil trip mo lang, you have better reasons than what you told him. But corinne" she said in a now serious tone

"Ayaw na kita masaktan. All these years you suffer alone you cry alone and give yourself a chance to be happy corinne. " i hugged lorraine and i held back the tears that wants to be free.
She is right. I deserve to be happy too. But there are reasons. Reasons that are too strong that it will never let me be happy.