No Expectations [Keith Richards & Brian Jones]

I. Little Miss Queen of Darkness

*

I fell in love with him the first time I heard him play guitar.

The glass I was holding slipped out of of my hands and fell to the floor to shatter into a million litlle pieces. My feet were bare, but I couldn't care less. His guitar spoke to my soul- and I cried. So much pain hidden away and then surfaced for everyone to hear... My feet were bleeding, but it was my heart that ached.

Never before in my life had something touched me as much as his guitar playing had.

"Who is that?" I heard myself ask. My voice foreign even to my own ears... I no longer was the person it belonged to, I had changed in a matter of seconds... the music had changed me. No he had. The guitarist.

"The Rolling Stones... some newish band," Lana mumbled from her spot on the couch. A blanket sliding down as she sat up, followed by a deep groan. "Saw them a while ago in a bar, they're okay."

They were more than okay, I thought, but couldn't open my mouth and just stared unbelievable at the turn table. The record spun around and hypnotised me just as much as the music did. I could have blamed the alcohol or the drugs, but it would have only been a silly excuse. I knew this was different and I hadn't had nowhere enough to let my feelings free... No my vulnerable state was all due to the soul of the guitarist. The pain, loneliness, emptiness that felt so familiar... Demons, we desperately tried to hide away from, yet we never managed to. How odd, I thought, that I could relate so much to somebody I had never met. It was as if we were the same or maybe two broken parts that had finally found their other half and were complete for the first time in their life...

I never believed in love, but I was sure if there was indeed a soulmate out there for me, than it had to be him... And at the same time I knew I could never be with him. Not because he was famous - Bo's business opened us a lot of doors- nor did I fear he wouldn't be interested in me - I was attractive enough -, I knew if I really wanted to meet him, I would, but nothing more than sex would ever come out of it. Bo and Lana might have found some love, but in our world that was very rare.

"Do you like them?" Lana was standing now. The blanket on the floor and Bo was spread out on the couch, groaning, half awake and half stoned. I didn't pay him any mind, this was such a common occurrence. For everyone of us to be fair, to Lana and Bo perhaps a bit more than I. Afternoons wasted away high and drunk in Bo's flat, music playing in the background until we left in the evening. Today had been the same until Lana had put on a new record and had shattered my life.

Did I like them?

I had no idea. Like didn't seem strong enough, not even love described my feelings for them. They had shock my world and I had no idea how I was supposed to continue when the life I once had was over so suddenly.

"Hey are you okay?" Lana asked worried about my lack of reaction. Her voice sounded far away. All I heard was the music that soon would end and had left me in such a exposed state. What was I supposed to do now, I wondered. "Your feet are bleeding," she stated and I felt her arm around my own. "Come on, let's get that cleaned up." She directed me away from the record player and the music and strangely I let her. Blood traces were left on the ground, as she guided me into the little bathroom, but neither of us were sober enough to care. I sat down on the closed toilet seat and had Lana look at my feet.