Young Love Struggles

Chapter One: Hannah Breaks the Hard News

Chapter One: Hannah Breaks the Hard News

He pushes me up against the wall and kisses me roughly. I sigh inwardly and I kiss back with as much passion as I can, maybe he wouldn't be able to tell that I don't really want this. He kisses down my neck to my collarbones. "You know," he murmurs against my skin. I hum a short response to his unfinished sentence. "The counsellor said we need to rekindle that passion we had years ago." He nips at my neck and pushes my dress up a bit, he's been trying to tease me all night. Now that we are finally home, he's hoping to get lucky.

I play his little game to make him feel like this marriage is going well, just for one night. I whimper as he starts to suck on my neck. "Louis," I breathe out, "please don't tease me." He grins and kisses the new mark on my neck, followed by lifting me up and carrying me to the bedroom. I'm sat on the bed and told to sit still as he removes my clothes slowly, teasing me with kisses and nipping at the skin as he moves around my still figure. I fall back on the bed with a push and there's a husky body soon hovering over me.

I make quick work of his buttons all the way down his shirt and try to push it off his shoulders, but he won't allow me. Hips start to gyrate into mine, his erection pressed tightly to me. "You see, this isn't fair. I'm naked and you're fully clothed."

"Let's change that," he flips us over and I strip him. I can barely finish before he grips my hips and helps me sink down on him. I might not feel for this man like I did years ago, but I will never get tired of hearing that moan that I caused. A smile tugs at my lips for a second but quickly goes away. He flips us back over and begins to thrust. I look up at him, my eyes are blank. They show no sign of love or passion. He searches my eyes and I quickly shut them. "Please look at me, Hannah. I want to know that we're okay." I reluctantly open my eyes once again and you can see the pain in his. I give him a sympathetic look as he pulls away and sits on the edge of the bed. Faced away from me, he's obviously upset, yet he tries to hide it. Afraid to speak, I just stare at his back as I sit against the headboard of the bed with the sheets covering me.

It's a few minutes before anyone says anything, "You know you don't have to cover yourself around me. You have a gorgeous body." This beautiful naked man stands in front of me. He was once happily mine, but now he smiles sadly knowing that this could be the end of our marriage, right here. Surprisingly, Louis moves around to sit beside me. "You're right, it's not the same. Maybe we should just get the divorce."

"It's going to crush Bella."

"What about me? Don't you care how it has affected me?"

"I've tried to make this work, Louis. I've tried," I whisper.

"You've tried? You've ignored me for months," he wants to yell and get angry. I can tell he is holding in his anger and what, regret? I don't know. He was always the calmer of us two.

"I didn't know what to do. What do you do when you have a six year old at twenty-two years old and your marriage is over?!" I begin to shout as a single tear escapes my eye.

He pulls me to his chest and holds me close. "It's going to be okay," he whispers. "No matter what happens, I'll always love you. I'm so sorry I wasn't enough." He strokes my hair and rocks us gently as I start to sob quietly.

__________

I get up from our bed that we rarely share anymore and pad over to the kitchen. I sit at the island starting to write him a letter. It is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do but here it goes:

Mi Amor,

You know I love you, but like you asked "what does that mean anymore?" Am I in love with you, or do I just love you? The differences between the two phrases are extraordinary. Who knew "I love you" could hold so much meaning, yet it can be so mystifying.

A kiss, a kiss of love, and of goodbye, a kiss good morning, and way to say goodnight, a kiss is like a bandaid. It patches things up for the moment, but when you rip it off, the wound is not healed.

I haven't fallen out of love with you. I fell in love with a different man and that man, I haven't seen him in awhile. That man is grown up now and is one incredible human being, who is going to make some one other than me extremely happy in the future. You're not that awkward shy sixteen year old who I bumped into in the hall. You're not just that boy who was amazingly smart with geography or blushed every time I talked to him. You've grown and matured and so have I, but I have much more growing up to do. I just don't think that we were meant for each other, anymore. We knew each other when we were young and trying to raise a baby together. We would've done anything for Bella and we still would. We wanted to give her a family with Mommy and Daddy. She will have her family, it's just going to be a bit tougher now.

I ruined this marriage, not you. When things got tough, I started to give up and get down. You tried so hard to pick me up and I didn't want you to. You asked me to try the marriage counseling and I obliged. It didn't work, we didn't work. It's not the same, Louis. I'm so sorry to be doing this to such a wonderful man. I know I've broken your heart, I see the hurt in your eyes when you talk about getting the divorce or even just talking about us. I hurts me to do this too, but I want the best for you and it's not going to be me. I've made many mistakes along the way and I know I'll make many more. One of the mistakes I know I'll probably have to live with, is losing you.

I couldn't say this in person because I'm too much of a coward. I know how bad you wanted this to work out and so did I. You'll get over this, I know you will. You'll find some one so much better than I ever was or will be. Maybe in the future we can try again but for now I think we need the space apart. Who knows what will happen.

I'm going to stay with Christy for a bit until I figure everything. I'm leaving Bella with you, but I'm sure she will ask where I am soon. I hope we can both handle this and be able to raise Bella together but apart. She's become a bright young girl already because of you.

If you think it's best that I not see her anymore then I guess I'm going to have to live with that decision. I would still help you in anyway you need: child support, picking her from school, taking her to practice. Anything, I'm still here for you. I wish you two the best.

Te amo,

Hannah

I kiss the tear stained letter, take my ring off, and place the ring on top of the letter on the counter. I quietly walk into Bella's room and kiss her head before creeping back into the master bedroom. Louis is used to me staying up late and wandering around the house so I don't worry much about him getting up and checking on me. I do try to stay quiet though as I grab my bag I packed earlier today and had hid in the closet. I walk down the stairs to the front door and take one last look at the house, saying my last farewell and leave.

Author's note: Please forgive me of any grammatical errors. Bella was originally a boy so if the pronouns are wrong, I'm so sorry. I must have missed them in proofing. I just thought it would be better if it was a daughter. Thanks for reading.