Fandom Fiction

Mirkwood Fashion

(At the world famous Mirkwood fashion show.)

Thorin: (backstage angrily looking for Thranduil.)

Thranduil: (Placing a fuzzy purple scarf around his sons neck.) Oh you look so beautiful I could die.

Legolas: (whispers) and then I would be king...

Thranduil: You wot?

Legolas: (coughs) Nothing!

(Galadriel comes up behind the two Mirkwood elves carrying Thorin and sets him down then walks away.)

Thorin: (grabs Thranduil's shoulder and pushes him into the wall)

Thranduil: Excuse you! I have work to do!

Thorin: hOw dArE yOU NOT give mE a PlAcE in YOuR sHow!?

Thranduil: Thorin....how can I put this gently...? (He sighs) You're a fucking bear and it would be like beorn modeling my clothes.

Thorin: But beorn is modeling your clothes! I saw him earlier dressed in... (He shudders at the memory)

(Flashback)

Thorin: (Runs around backstage of Mirkwood fashion show looking for Thranduil)

Beorn: Hey buddy you in-

Thorin: oh my Durin! What in the name of all that is good is that outfit!? (He rubs his eyes and looks away.)

Beorn: (is wearing yellow and orange striped pants that have suspenders connected to them. The suspenders are glittery though beorn has no shirt on and his eyebrows and arm hair is braided and covered with glitter. He has a big yellow and orange striped top hat on with a large purple feather on it and the top hat also has a band of glitter around it.)
What? (he asks feeling fabulous)

Thorin: (tries to keep from vomiting by looking away) It looks likes a fairy retched all over you.

Beorn: (puts a hand on his hip sassily) Girl, if Thranduil heard you say that you would be deader than all your kinsmen after Smaug attacked Erebor.

Thorin: You did Not just go there!

Beorn: (sassy finger click) Oh I went there!

Thorin: (draws his sword but is carried away by Galadriel.)

(Back to present)

Thorin: (still shuddering)

Thranduil: Oh you saw him already!? Wasn't he just fabulous~?

Thorin: (deadpans) No. But you know who would be fabulous in that outfit?
Me.

Thranduil: (sighs) if you really want to be in the show I suppose I could spare at least one outfit for you.

Thorin: (squeals happily) That's so great! Finally all my dreams of being the most desirable dwarf model in middle earth are going to come true!

Thranduil: (raises a fabulous eyebrow and smirks.) Oh really?

Thorin: (coughs.) I mean, no, what? I just said thanks bro. (He punches Thranduil's shoulder lightly and walks away.)

(Galadriel is on stage announcing Thranduil's spring line of clothing.)

Thorin: (having a nervous breakdown.) I-I don't think I can do this.

(Fili and Kili pat his back comfortingly.)

Kili: You'll be fine uncle really.

Fili: Yeah...you look....great.... (He says unconvincingly.)