My Secret Love

The Delivery

What a great smell. I have to wonder what Tammy has cooked up now. Percy met us at the condo door and showed us where to sit the dresser. I put the rest of the drawers away and turned to see Percy staring at me. "How's it going Chris? You didn't seem yourself today"? "It is what it is" I respond. "No, Christopher" she said as she put her hand on my shoulder, "how are you"? Right then her phone beeps. Its Tammy she says. "She's taking Sabastian home and says she left dinner for us on the stove. Tammy thinks that you need me".

"That's not her place, it's nothing I can't handle" I complain. "Look LaSalle, aren't you one who has ridden my ass about keeping things to myself? I can tell something is tearing at you. Here, let me get a beer for you". We sit down after she checks the food.

"I can't talk to you about this". "I know how families work Chris. It's never easy. So your father was here. What did he want"? "There are days that I just want to pound his face I say as my own face reddens. He's always been so mean to Cade. Demeans him. Ignores him. For God's sake, he is his son". Well damn, where did these come from? I can't stop these tears.

"You don't know Sonja, I thought I had escaped his controlling self. I left Savannah and came here where he couldn't bother me. I moved half way across the country to get away from him. Did I ever tell you that in the middle of Katrine that he had a private investigator track me down to give me a ticket to come home? He didn't give Cade the support he needed as he slipped deeper into that rabbit hole. He's like having Chucky chase you in a bad dream".

I'm not sure how long I blubbered on but the tears did finally stop. I didn't want to look up but Sonja took my hand in both of hers, got my attention and looked into my eyes and softly told me "we'll be your family Christopher. You must realize how much the team cares for you. Pride has been like a father to each of us. He has always had your back why would that change now?" "Look Sonja, I need a wash cloth for my face". She took my hand without a word and led me to her bedroom and threw me a face cloth and left me there.

Sonja looked up at me as I came back into the living room and said that we had better eat before the food dried completely out. The steak was close to well done which really didn't matter since I didn't feel much like eating.

This is the Sonja I loved being with. I marveled how she and Brody connected so quickly. Both of them told me that they thought of the other as a sister. There were looks and comments that I never understood between the two of them but that I realized that made me feel like a welcomed brother as well.

How dumb have you been I asked myself as I watched the candle light bounce against her taupe colored skin? I thought about walking in on an argument between Linda and King when we first started NCIS Nola. She was hollering at him about being away again during Laurel's birthday party. I heard him say that she didn't understand and she responded that she didn't. Linda repeated words that I heard come from my father's mouth a few days ago. It is only now that I begin to consider the words that King had spoken to me.

King told me the morning after I got into it with my father about why his wife left him. Linda told him that she was afraid that he would be killed on the job. King said that it bothered him for a long time until he ran into his old flame Rita again after many years. Rita understood the risk and supported him in everything even when she almost got killed. King said that in all those years he had only met one woman who understood what he did and why. Finding family who understands is hard Chris. It seems that your father is also one who cannot accept your dedication to your profession. I hope that you find a woman who will appreciate you for who you are and what you love.  I couldn't tell him that I thought that I already had and there she sat just a few feet away from me.

After we ate I helped Sonja carry the dishes to the sink and then sat down at the counter. Unsettled I walked back over to Sonja as she rinsed the dishes. I put my arms around her waist and wondered out loud if I had been wrong about us. "What do you mean" she asked?

"I was wrong to push you away Sonja. You have cared for me, argued with me and protected me. I don't know why I have denied my feelings for you but it needs to stop now. I look at you sometimes and I just want to scream at myself. Every woman that I meet I compare to you. How she walks, how she talks, what she doesn't know about sports, how she looks in tight jeans, the perfume she wears, how she runs, her smile, her wit. All I see is what is missing and how much she is not like you."

Percy turns to me and I have to stop myself from kissing her. "So what do you want to do 'Bama" she quietly asks? "Let's commit to dating for a month and see where we are. If it doesn't work out, no one else will know". "Don't you think that's kind of hard with Tammy living right here with me?" "Did you forget she is the one who sat this night up"? With that I lean in to kiss her and suddenly she has her arms around my neck and I lift her up and sit her on the ledge of the sink.

After a long while we move to the sofa and Percy searches for a movie channel. She gets up to get us a couple of more beers and I pull her into my lap when she returns. I never get tired of watching Rambo. Not sure what Sonja saw in the movie though. I must have dozed off because I woke up to a darken room with a blanket over me almost forgetting where I was but could see the night light of the guest bathroom and the lights of the city outside the window. Knowing that I could never wake up enough to drive, I layed my head back on the pillow and crashed.

"Good morning Christopher. Do you expect breakfast in bed or are you eating at home?" That damn Tammy always some smart remark. I looked around to see Sonja out on the balcony. After a pit stop, I joined her. "I better get out of your hair City Mouse. How about dinner tonight?" "That sounds interesting. What time should I be ready?" " How about five." "Okay, see you then." I was going to kiss her until I looked back to the kitchen and saw Gregorio staring at us.