It's not your fault

Oh, you were there?

What? You're still going. Pathetic. I don't need this pity party, or attention. You get that I'm in the grave now. Below the surface right where you're standing, or whatever the hell you're doing on the other side of this letter. Because Great, you accepted it.
It's not your fault.
Growing up, I've always felt alone no matter what circumstances someone has made me feel there. Like any normal life surprisingly, I had a loving, accepting, successful family that expected me to be the same . Yet I couldn't give them that.

My two older brothers on the other hand were the most giving and loving to anyone. Comparing myself to the shitty person I am with the depressed shit I think. Haha, I had/ve no chance.

If I was alive right now I'd say, I'm successful in school, never got bad grades, had so many friends that sometimes I forget the names of because of so many friends to remember! Yeah, all of that would be true , despite the friends part, and did I forget to mention I'm dead! But yeah, people wonder why I left a good "perfect" life behind. I had a bright long future ahead of me , now that's for sure all gone. Who's there to blame? Nobody. Make yourself feel better by saying that the someone to blame is Me.

By what I can remember, the cause of it all was expectations—
The morning of November 5th, 2017, at this time I'm 15, a petite asian girl, sleeves drenched with her own tears, crawling out of the broken, dropped egg shell. The yolk of her emotions, the mess on the floor. Her family looking down on her. A mess thats their sister, daughter, grand daughter, cousin, niece, last but not least : friend.
It's not your fault

The happy girl she once was, gone in a blur. After the screaming, in her heart and head. Shes drowning now; the harmful words absorbing every air she has left in her lungs. Reaching out for a hand to pick her up. Nothing but thin air to grab a hold onto.

Thats how I felt every day I was alive. Imagine the possibilities in trying to change those days. The people who knew but never said anything at all about it. The time where someone could actually step in and do something about it. To just Help this godforsaken soul thats lost in a hell hole world, just looking for one simple light that could change everything in their eyes.

Take sometime to let that sink in.

If you tried at all , all I'd say is ,"Oh, you were there?".

Imagine being the person that has tried at nothing at all but try to keep me happy. If you were those people, I'm sorry for your efforts but I appreciate it.

I'm gone.
It's not your fault