The Young Believer

Why Me?

Job 13:15 Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. Even so, I will defend my own ways before Him.

On the 25th of January, 2017 at 11, I received my Senior High School results. I had been waiting for this moment for so long. It was the day I was to be celebrated by my family, maybe even the whole country. I was so faithful. I was so positive. I was so optimistic that I never felt hungry. I'm not always hungry, but, you know, it's food we talking about here. Who just decides not to eat? I willingly decided to skip lunch. That day one scripture  was on my mind, Pr 14:23 ¶ In all labor there is profit, But idle chatter leads only to poverty. Have you ever been that excited? I was. That day. Little did I know, that it would leave an indelible mark in my life.  How did a perfectly good day to be happy turn sour so fast? Have you ever gotten so close to being successful that it would only take the stretching of your arms to grasp it? Or ever been in a situation where you get to smell the aroma of perfectly cooked chicken and not have a taste of it? That is how I felt that day. I felt disappointed. I felt I had let down a lot of people. I failed to reach my goals. Was it the beginning of my failure? What I never imagined to repeat it self, repeated it self. 

Exactly 10 years ago, I was a fourth grade pupil who had been in fourth grade the previous year, yes, in 2006 but only for a term. The other two terms I was in the third grade   but at a different school. I got transferred to a new school. Livingstone House Primary School is the name of this particular institution. It is the very school where I completed with a very decorative certificate in grade 7. What I didn't know before I got transferred was that, I was later going to take the position of the lowest pupil among my classmates. By then, we had a good number of white people and some colored people, really there was a diversity of culture and race.  Our white friends sat in the front, not because they were more privileged, simply because they were willing to participate  in the class activities  which we( black people ) wouldn't willingly do. Meanwhile, I sat at the very far end where you couldn't see me. I talked less, not because I never had what to say anything,  My vocabulary stood as a barrier. In other words, it was my main Goliath. Also, I never really had intelligent things to say. Back then, learning in such a class caused me to have some kind of inferiority complex. I couldn't speak in front of an audience, I never had much to offer. If we were doing group work, I did nothing. My group mates did me a favor when they added my name on the list at the back of the group work. It was just their being courteous.

School was very difficult for me. I understood very little. I spoke little, but I ate a lot. I don't know how I was never Obese, but hey, I guess God freed me from that. I had too much on my plate to be an over- sized baby. I lacked confidence in everything I did. sometimes I got so afraid I wasn't sure I could spell my own name correctly. I am not trying to be funny, really, I had that much of doubt in my self. I got so used to failing  that passing became an enemy. That year, I never passed any subject. I failed consistently. I ended up repeating that class that year. I am the kid that did grade four three times because it was too fun to succeed. I was marked a failure. I felt like one.  I had to  re-do grade four with people that were younger than me. I felt ashamed. I felt I was really a dumb kid. I thank God that that was the last time I ever failed like that. Things did get better, I got to grade five with my new friends and I never ever failed in class again. In fact, I was so blessed that I went on being the among the top students in primary. High School got better. I continued being among the top with a lot of other people who brought the best out me. Failure was long dead, defeated and buried 6 foot under. It came back, on the 25th of January. 

All the years I passed when I never even depended upon God. When I had no relationship with Him, I did extremely well. So why me? I asked my self that question. Failing grade four was recoverable. I honestly didn't see my self recovering from this one. I thought I'd lose it completely, but Thank God for the presence of the Holy Spirit who revives us and strengthens us. So I failed my grade 12 exam, not in all subjects, but just math and the sciences. I basically failed the most important subjects. There was no institution that was going to accept me into varsity. I literally almost cried. That exam meant a lot to me. I am not the smartest of  people out there, I could never even make the top ten in my class last year, but I know I could have done better, but I didn't. What makes us fail as believers. What makes us weak when we are supposed to be strong is how much we do not want to accept things. When we face challenges, suddenly we don't see God in our lives anymore.  I have learnt to look at God and not the size of the challenges we face. Looking at the problem is never a good idea. Logic will tell you that you cannot  go through it. We do not serve God with logic. Logic will make you want to prove if God exists. The Bible says, 2 Corinthians  5:7 For we walk by faith, not by sight.  The Enemy seeks opportunities to attack when we are hit the hardest. He tries bringing fear into our systems. He'll say all sorts of evil things, things that might make you lose focus. Challenges bring us closer to God. You cannot grow in a conducive environment. Challenges wake you up! They make you have a better relationship with God. Look at Job, the man suffered. He was willing to go through anything for the Lord. He was willing to pay the price. Are we willing to pay the price? Do we really want to do what it takes to serve God? I am not saying a christian life is one full of problems, no. Having Christ changes everything about what you face. What determines whether or not you fall is your attitude towards what you're facing. Are you still optimistic? Have you lost hope in God? Joseph could have complained to God. He had been faithful. Did he deserve to get treated the way he did? No! Look at Joseph's attitude. Ge 50:20 "But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.

Do you still believe in God? Do you still believe in Romans 8:28? I understand, it is hard to look to God through the walls of tears. Who else can we go to but God? Ps 46:1 ¶ <<To the Chief Musician. A Psalm of the sons of Korah. A Song for Alamoth.>> God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. God is the right person to go to.  He is all we've got. We have no one else. What I worried most about was  how people would look at me, knowing that I failed  my exams. I feared being rejected. I feared being called a failure. I thought I had become the same dumb kid of 2007, but I have what I never had then. I have Jesus, the Holy spirit and the Father, I have God. Its very painful sometimes what we go through, I know it is, but I promise you , life without God is useless. It is devoid of all meaning. Trust me I know, I have been there.  Sometimes it feels as though as God has forsaken us.  Can you really imagine how life would be if God had forsaken us? We wouldn't make it on our own. God is only as close as your relationship goes. He does everything, yet He still expects us to do something. He expects us to trust Him. He expects us to trust His ways even when the odds are against us. Remember He fights for us. Ex 14:14 "The LORD will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace."

He is willing to fight for us. It has never been our battle. No matter how involved we are in the predicament, He fights for us. He is more than willing to take care of us. Challenges make us stronger in the Lord. We have a wider understanding of His love. If we only wait long enough to see what lies ahead of us. Isa 40:31 But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint. You become stronger in the Lord. He is able to lift you up. He is able to make a shift that you never thought was possible. So wait on Him. Wait a little longer. Don't give up, don't lose hope, God is usually nearer than you think. He is closer than you think. Focus on your own lane. Remember, you weren't created to compete with other people. Be your own competitor. Challenge your self to do more for the Lord. Surrender your all until Him. Don't cling on anything that would especially block the manifestation of God's power in your life. The scripture says, Lu 1:37 "For with God nothing will be impossible."  Nothing  has ever been impossible to God. The Scripture tells us that Job became more prosperous, and more importantly, He had a better relationship with God. You won't always get the support you need even from those you expect it to come from. Job obviously expected his wife to with him in that situation, but she was like an enemy to him. I am not saying you cannot trust those close to you, i'm only saying God is the one that will always support us, no matter what Joh 14:18 ¶ "I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you. In other words, He will not leave us unprovided for. He will always be our ultimate support. Our anchor in other words.

I thank God for allowing this project to be successful, without Him I wouldn't have been able to write what I have written. I'd also love to thank all my readers, God bless you  all, thank you for sharing this booklet with your friends and families, I really cannot thank you enough. I'd love to thank my family also, I know they have been a huge support.