Detachable

~ Chapter 5 ~

So I guess you guys are not mad. That is good because I never felt the need to lie, it was just like that. In these videos, I want to tell you guys my real life. The life I had, the sad and depressing life of John Pool. It will be hard to explain everything, every feeling I had, so I will keep it short. I was the only child of my family and since I was little, no one wanted to talk to me, because I was weird and weird looking. I talked to myself because I didn't have someone to talk to, I played with action figures and was just a huge geek. My family destroyed itself because of me. My father left because I never talked to anyone and seemed as I was ready to kill someone, also the neighbour would judge so hard. Calling us a sociopath family and so on, I spent my days and months and years in my room, hearing loud noises in the living room and kitchen. It was my parents who constantly were fighting. They would throw furniture and stuff like that around the house from the anger. My father would beat me and my mom. At one point he left, without even telling us, goodbye. I knew the reason why, but I never got that last goodbye. (John stopped for a second to stop the tears) I then spend my life in my room crying in the corner never hoping for another day. Wishing one day to not wake up from my sleep.

It has been rough. My mother kept blaming me, calling me a mistake, a huge one. I never felt welcomed anywhere. Not at home not at school. I feel welcomed at just one place when I was a child, it was the arcade, but soon that also stopped, for some reason. At school, I was a laughing stock. I had my head pushed into the toilet, mud and so on. My bully was very popular and no one could tell him to stop, because they were scared of him. He is a huge prick and will succeed in life because people like him do. Nothing is like a movie. The guy I punched for Craig was his best friend. He told him to stop bullying me but got transferred into Craig's school and suddenly became the bully. No one at that school liked me, not even the slightest. There was this teacher, but she... (John looked at the floor and felt anger) she never tried to help me. Something happened that were preventing her from helping me because they would end up bad for her. I finally had no one. I was alone. I was depressed, funny to finally say it at loud. I kept hurting myself because the pain that I felt through the day wasn't enough. I did wish to die and hoped for it to happen as soon as possible. I didn't see a way out of this misery and just let it be like that. When it came to the exam year, I finally saw the pattern. The pattern was, if I get into college, with scholarship, I will move away and start a new life. Without pain, promised me that I will make friends there and be a different person. Did it work out? (He sighed out of disappointment)

No. I failed. Everyone that bullied me and treated me like shit got to college through their father and mothers, certainly not good grades. I, who studied very hard, spent nights awake and pushed myself over the limit, didn't make it. The only way of me being free was gone. I left home before doing the exams because I was so confident that I will make it, but as it turned out, I didn't, and I wasn't smart enough, rich enough. I had nowhere to go and no one to be. That is my story, of a sad, sad man. No future, no past and no presence. My bully was right. People like me, weird and hopeless, never are successful. I never wanted him to be right, but he is. I'm sorry I disappointed you guys and I am not as cool and awesome as you thought I was. I am not the type of guy to go around and punch people. To gloat around with my fabulous life, because that is just not me. I am not happy or ever will be.

Unlike you guys I have nothing going for me and never will have. I am a total bum and don't be me. I am not your role model, I am the person your parents tell you to not be. Sorry for being so dumb, never be like me, ever! (John looked at the floor once more and ended the recording)

Craig sighed heavily and locked the phone, so he can get his thoughts together. Everything was so clear now. They felt like they just read someone's biography and a different person was now in their mind. Not the perfect Luise, but the sad and lonely John. Two opposite people becoming one and making them rethink everything. Every conversation that they had with him, every movement or action made by him. It was all confusing yet beautiful. He was a strong man, keeping all of this inside and still managing to be a great friend, almost like a blood brother to them. Every single one of them wanted to travel back to that summer and make Luise or John feel special and welcomed and most importantly loved. Such an amazing person should reach the sky with their own to hands, that's how much he deserves everything.