MISADVENTURES OF AN ALIEN(ATED) LANGUAGE TEACHER

Part 3

PART 3

I was expecting a bed. Don't all the cells have beds where you can lie down and brood over the futility of resistance and the stupidity of trying to fight guns with words? Apparently not, for this cell did not have a single piece of furniture in it. Too bad, I would have appreciated even a chair, or perhaps a bench. Nothing wrong with a bench: if it is long enough you can even do your lying down and your brooding on it. Yes, a bench would have been nice. I suppose I owed the lack of furniture to the fact that I had pissed off the puffy guy. Oh, well, too late now, I would have to make do with the floor.

If only the floor were not sticky with substances unknown (and with other substances quite known from their foul odour). Let me explain, furniture was not the only thing the cell lacked: there was no toilet paper. Of course, this was only a triviality if you considered the fact that there was no toilet either, and that the previous occupants of the cell had decided to evacuate their urges on the floor like animals. The stench was unbearable and nauseating and didn't do anything to improve my already disturbed state of mind.

But let's stay positive: the puffy guy had taken off my cuffs before pushing me into the cell. That had to count for something, right? I could almost convince myself that the situation had improved. Almost... the smell of faeces brought me brutally and instantly out of this delusion. Now, I'm a teacher, which means I have been to school toilets, which in turn means I know about foul odours, but these odours, my friends... Oh, let's not speak of them, for they would have made cows run away wildly, dogs vomit the contents of their stomachs, and plants wither and die. Yes, I would have gladly had another cuffed car ride, no, a thousand cuffed car rides, rather than this.

So, I did try to stay positive, but couldn't, sorry. I was starting to feel like crying but I restrained myself. You know, students cry all the time, but teachers? Never! Models of strength! That's what we are! Too bad there was nobody in the cell I could show my strength to.

Ok, let's think of something other than the smell. Let's see... well, there were no windows. The lack of ventilation explained the concentration of the... oh, no, here we are with the smell again. I gave up, tried not to think of anything anymore. My poor distracted brain welcomed the break. But as any teacher knows, breaks are very, very short. So I was rambling again in no time.

I normally welcome elucubrations because I have a lot of fun with them. I also have the ability to talk for hours and hours on end without pause. So you understand how my skills were being wasted in this lonely cell. I know, I had my chance of showing my talking skills with the puffy guy and I squandered it miserably. Do you think I'm not beating myself up with that? So, stop judging me, I told you I was cuffed, damn it!

So, having no one to talk to, all that was left for me to do was to fall into my elucubrations. Don't worry, I will not burden you with them. It suffices to say that they all ended in a return of my feelings of crying my eyes out. Dead end there. I had to try something else. What do you do when you are overwhelmed by thoughts you do not want to think? Oh, come on, you know the answer: you meditate.

Meditation also relaxes me, so it was a good option (not that I had many others at hand). The problem is I have never been able to do standing meditation, and sitting on that stinking floor...

After some hesitation, I decided that my sanity was more important than avoiding the disgusting floor. I knew that if I did not stop thinking soon, my brain would collapse. So, I took off my light coat, chose the less sticky place on the floor of the cell, extended it there and sat on it. Yes, of course it would have to be burned afterwards. What? You thought I would ever put it on again?

I crossed my legs in front of me and started breathing slowly and deeply. This type of breathing was of course possible because my perception of the stench had been thankfully diminished by the time spent in the closed place. It took me a very long time to reach a state of complete relaxation, but I got there.

It's impossible to say how long I dwelled in this blissful state. It must have been a very, very long time, because when I awoke, I was no longer in the cell. I found myself on a clean bed, in what appeared to be some kind of hospital room. The first thing I thought was: "Shit! This shouldn't have happened!"

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I am complaining about lying on a bed instead of the floor of that cell. It's only that, as I have already said: "Shit! It shouldn't have happened!"