He's my life, my love, my soul, my home

Chapter 15

Steve leaned his head back on the interior of the jet, forcing himself to even his breathing. Ever since the Valkyrie, he gets panicked every time he went on a plane. He didn't have to go on much, he didn't have many missions, and most of them were in the country so the flight wasn't long, but this is the first one he had to go on out of the country since capturing Loki in Germany.

Steve was cut off his thoughts when Bucky plopped down in the seat next to him. "You okay?" Bucky asked, brows drawing together.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he lied, managing to keep his voice normal.
But Bucky wasn't fooled. He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. "Really? 'Cause you're looking a little pale."

"I have an Irish complexion," Steve defended.

"You're shaking," Bucky points out.

"I'm not. I'm just... shivering, it's cold."

Bucky snorts. "It's June and Tony didn't put the AC on. You still can't lie, can you?"

Steve chuckles, blushing. "No. I guess I never really had a need to."

"Why do you need to lie now? What's wrong, Steve? You know you can tell me anything right?"

When Steve didn't say anything to that, Bucky sighs. "I'm afraid of heights," he says abruptly. "Well, not really heights more like falling from them. I had a mission once, no one cared for about any fears I had or my wellbeing so I jumped from the plane. It made me remember falling from the train, so I panicked, winded up delaying the mission and getting punished. It's been seventy years and falling still makes me panic."

Steve looked over at him in sympathy. "It's okay to have that fear. Buck," he said reassuringly. "It was traumatizing, a near-death experience. Of course, you would panic about that happening again. Have you talked to your therapist about it?"
Bucky stared at him for such a long time that Steve wondered if he said the wrong thing. Before he could ask though, Bucky groaned and rolled his eyes.

"What about you? Steve, you crashed a plane and drowned. You almost died. Why do you always act like it's nothing when you're obviously panicking?"

It's a simple answer really, he just has too. It's his job, to be okay and strong in the face of danger or fear, and it has been since 1942 when he agreed to be Captain America. When he tells Bucky as much he looks on the verge of smacking him.

"Idiot. Captain America is just a title. Steve Rogers is a person. You don't have to bury your problems. We all know you're not perfect."

He really wants to hug Bucky, so he does. He clings to him and allows himself to shake. One of the things he misses about being small was when he could perfectly cocoon himself in Bucky's arms. He's grateful now that Bucky is so large, that he fits in them again too.

"Maybe we could stay in Italy for a while. A week maybe? We could come back in time to visit the girls before we go to the next base?" They decided it was time to start going for Hydra bases and this was their first one. Hydra was still hidden, so the location of bases were unknown to everyone besides operatives. Luckily they have Bucky, who remembers the coordinates to every base there is.

Steve smiles, "A vacation sounds nice. Haven't been to Italy since the war, I'd like to see how it changed."

For the rest of the ride, he feels more comfortable. He won't crash, he tells himself. Clint is an excellent pilot (he ignores the fact that he crashed the first time he went with Clint,) and if Clint does manage to mess up, Jarvis will be there if anything were to happen.

When they finally land Steve felt a sense of deja vu, because here he is, back at Azzano, a place that he and Bucky barely escaped from the first time. The base is still burned downed, nothing left but rubble and debris, a few destroyed walls still standing. If he closes his eyes he could see him and Bucky running out the burning base, and the soon to be commandos checking in on him. Even though he knows it's important, still can't imagine why Bucky would want to come back here and ask to do it alone.