She begins with a list:
There are different kinds of crying;
The kind when only one tear falls.
Just one. Singular. Lonely.
The kind where you get the knot rock in the center of your throat
and you try as best you can but an ocean is pressing on your eye lids and it burns so bad
and you can't swallow it.
The kind where you hiccup in the middle,
the hard cry.
The kind that doubles you over and you sob so hard, you have to gasp for breath before the next heave.
A contraction. A labor of grief
or anger.
The fetal cry.
The kind where you lay back pressed against someone in the same bed as you, skin to skin as you creep as far to the edge as possible
fingers pressed to your mouth,
the silent sob
trying so hard not to wake him.
She concludes:
And
the bible says that God is collecting my tears but I fear that I have
an ocean of despair waiting for me. Perhaps I will be granted a small boat
to navigate my sadness for all of eternity
