Is It Worth It? || Jerrie

Chapter 6

I always thought how it feels to be really inlove. I've been in a relationship before with a guy. 5years ago.

I was 15 back then, he's my first boyfriend, and a first guy I'd been in a relationship with. I've been with girls before but we don't have a commitment, you know what I mean. We just had a mutual understanding but other than that we really don't have a commitment.

I mean its really comfortable being with a girl especially when you're in an all-girl school and some of your friends have girlfriends so why not try? I mean I do like the girls I've been with. And family doesn't know anything.

My sister found out when she accidentally read one of the letters of the first girl I've been with. I was thirteen back then. She teased me about it, but mum just said to my sister that she should just leave me alone and thats how my mum found out. I explained it to her, she understands me.

Its really hard not to like a girl especially all your classmates are girls. Thats what Kate said to me. A woman should be with a man not to be with a woman. Maybe thats why she never attended the same highschool as I am. She's disgusted that a girl is courting a girl. She's homophobic. She thought I was really a lesbian.

And for me to be able to Kate spare me from her homophobic acts. I tried to have a boyfriend. He's kind really, and he really likes me. We became a couple and I thought it was a good idea because some of my friends have boyfriends so yeah.

We only lasted for a week. Funny right? My sister found out about it but we already broke  up before she found out.

It'll only lasted for a week cause we don't see each other that much. To be given the fact that we went to different schools. But even after five years we became good friends.

After my break-up with him, I've been with girls but not really in a commitment. But there were no sex involved.

Will you believe that I am 20 yet I am still a virgin? Well anyways. I'm afraid of commitments. The girls I've been with I love them but before it will turn to a serious relationship, I will broke things off.

Its better to leave them first, its easier to move on. Because it will break my heart if they leave me. So why not me first right? Its selfish but it is what is for me.

Thats why even after five years, I am single. I chose this. I am afraid of falling inlove. They will just leave me just like my Dad did to my Mum.

They will make me feel worthless.

*

PERRIE'S POV

Its already been a month since my intern and I am loving it. And you know what? Me and Jade have been hanging out a lot.

I already met her bestfriend Jesy and Camila. And Jade also met Leigh-Anne and Lauren. We really get along pretty well. Especially me and Jade. She's really fun to be with.

Jesy and Leigh-Anne? They instantly click right away. I really love being around them especially with Jade. And I can't stop smiling everytime I think about her.

"What are you smiling at?" Leigh-Anne said interrupted my thoughts. "You like her don't you?" She continued.

I look at her. We were in our apartment because we had a dayoff. "What? Who?" I asked her.

"Jade." She said. "Don't deny it Pez."

"What makes you think that I like Jade?"

Leigh-Anne raised her eyebrow. "The way you look at her. Its the way I look at Andre."

I didn't answer her I just stared at her. "So you do like her." Leigh-Anne exclaim.

"Its alright babe. Its not hard to fall for Jade. She's a sweetheart." She continued.

"I really like her. I think I'm falling for her. But she's scared Leigh."

"Why don't you tell her that you like her? Maybe she likes you too. She doesn't have school and she just got home from work why don't you visit her? Tell her and take things slow." Leigh-Anne continued.

"Okay. I will. I just really like her. But what if she said no?"

"It'll be okay babe. Now go." Leigh-Anne said pushing me toward the door.

I am nervous. What will I tell her? How will she react? Shit. I am sweating. What am I supposed to tell her?

Standing in front of their door. The door opened revealing Norma. Guess she's going to the grocery store.

"Perrie, come in. Jade's in her room upstairs. I'm just going to the grocery store. Make yourself at home a'right?" Jade's mum said happily.

"Thank you Norma and take care." And she drove off.

Silently walking upstairs to Jade's room. I am mentally composing of what will I tell to Jade.

Knocking softly. "Mum? I thought you're going grocery shopping." Jade said.

I breathe hard and nervously said. "Its me Perrie."

Suddenly the door open revealing Jade. "Hey pez. What are you doing here?" she gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"Do you want to hangout? Maybe go to the mall? The park? The fair? Where do you want to go?" I asked nervously while sitting on her bed.

"Sorry Pez. I really don't like going outside today. Maybe movie? Do you like that?" Jade asked.

"Cool. What movie?"

"You pick. I'll just get popcorn." Jade said storming out of her room.

While looking for a movie I can't help but think of what will I say to Jade. What if she doesn't like me? Or maybe she'll end up our friendship. And I can't take that. Jade is so special that I can't take the risk losing her.

I chose the movie Frozen. While putting it on the player Jade enter with a bowl of popcorn and two can of soda.

"So what movie did you pick?" She asked.

"Frozen. Is that okay? Cause I know you love disney."

"Its fine. And I know its also you're favorite." She smiled at me.

We were watching frozen but my mind is actually not in the movie but with Jade. I just keep staring at her. She's really beautiful. Like. I am falling for her. Its not really hard not to fall for Jade.  I just want to kiss her right now.

I didn't know the movie was already finished when Jade turned off the TV.

"I will just bring this downstairs. Make yourself comfortable pez." Jade said while standing up and went outside.

I am laying on my stomach on her bed. Just playing on my phone when Jade lay on the side of the bed. She's laying on her back.

"So how was intern pez?" Jade asked.

"It was fine. Tiring but I am enjoying. You? How was school?"

"Tiring but its fine though." Jade replied.

We were quiet for like a few minutes but it was a comfortable silence.

"Jade?" I said. And she replied with a hm not looking at me.

"Can I do something?"

Before she can even respond I cupped her cheeks and kissed her on the lips. We stayed for like a minute, when I was about to move my lips from hers.

"Jade?! Dinner's ready. Is Perrie still here?" Norma yelled downstairs.

I pulled away. Nervously looking at her eyes.

"I like you Jade."