My wings

Life without Dean Winchester

It had been five months now and I still had no clue how I was going to get Dean back. Life really sucked without Dean, I was living in Sam and Dean's bunker. I was going through the motions, but I was lifeless. Life without Dean was like Earth without the sun, darkness. 

I was sitting on Dean's bed, scanning the room for any trace of him. There was none left, not like the first couple months, he was fading from me.

"Hey, Cas," the tall brother said.

"Hello, Sam."

"Hey I found a case, if you want to get your mind off of him."

"No, thank you, Sam."

He gave me a frown, then turned around and left me alone. I listened to the song Warrior by Beth Crowley. It was a song that Dean had showed me, I also listened to the song trench coat angel. Which I guess, fits very well for me.

I was truly hearing the song at this moment, I collapsed. I pulled my trench coat off, and I let my wings surround my body. I screamed a mournful scream, shards of glass flew at me and the wall, along with picture frames.

"Woah, what happened Cas?" it was Sam again. I threw my arm back toward him, he was thrown against the wall. "Cas!" I looked at him, then dropped my arm, I looked at him. I had cried so much my tears had soaken up some grace, it was tearing the skin from my face away.

"I'm sorry..."

"I miss him too Cas, you weren't the only one who lost him."

"I know that Sam."

"And how do you have these powers now?"

I sighed, looked up at him once more, and he could tell I was exhausted. Even though, ever since Dean's death, I couldn't sleep.

"I don't know Sam," I paused. "I just don't know anything anymore." I looked down at the ground, wishing I could be next to Dean and touch his silky golden hair. Look at his many freckles, and get lost in his green eyes.

"What is that supposed to mean, Cas?"

"I don't know how to save Dean, again," I started.

"Wait... you've saved Dean before?"

"Yeah..."

"How and when?" I looked up at the worried Sam, he would think I was stupid if he only knew what I traded.

"When Dean was in the hospital, I sold my soul to Crowley for a year," I said, but Sam just looked at me like I was stupid.

"How did I not know?"

"I don't know Sam, but ever since then I have incredible powers."

" Do you think"

"I don't know,Sam, stop asking me things I have been asking myself for days!" I shouted at Sam, he gave me his sad puppy dog eyes.

"Sorry...Cas" he said then walked out of Dean's room.

I sat on the ground, tears mixed with blood fell, making a puddle. I looked into the puddle and all I saw was the reflection of a reject, clueless angel. I couldn't bring the light in my life back, I had random powers I didn't know I had and I had no clue how to start to fix it.  I then realized, all I have ever done to the Winchesters is harm, I have never protected them. I wanted help to fix what I have done. I needed help.

I found a clip of Dean as a boy, in a random drawer Dean had tucked away. The film had Dean running around in the back yard, he was swimming . When he looked directly up at the camera, it felt Dean was inside the boy's innocent eyes. His eyes so green, freckles so pronounced, hair so blonde. Smile so giant, eyes that sparkled with life. Dean's hair darkened, freckles faded, smile lessened, and the life from his eyes died. He had started as a vibrant orange and faded to a grey. I have never been vibrant, I always have been dull. I only dulled Dean. I made him fade.

I cried for a while longer, loosing track of time. Then I finally left, the last bit of Dean left. Sam had already left, to solve a case. I had nothing to do, but cry. So that is excactly what I did I cried for hours upon hours, by myelf, no Dean to comfort me.

"Hey little sis, why so sad?" said a reckonizable voice. I turned around to face Gabe, golden hair, hair that went to his mid neck. I ran to him, embracing a hug.

"Gabe!"

"Was I gone that long?"

"Too long," I said as tears rolled down my cheeks once more. He wiped my tears away, I looked up at my brother, my best friend.

"What happened?" he said as he traced, the scars on my face from the tears.

"Dean..." I tried to refrain from crying, "is dead." I couldn't take it anymore, I placed my head against Gabe's chest, wrapping my arms around him, as I sobbed. He was the only person, who hadn't died on me, who still cared.

"I'm so sorry, Cas."

"I don't know what to do anymore Gabe." I said, he then stepped away from me, a questioning look from his face.

"What did you do?"

"What?"

"What did you do!" he shouted a me. I ducked my head.

"Please... Gabe I don't know."I said, and I avoided eye contact.

"Your powers, they are so strong," he said much more gently.

"I really don't know how they are the way they are."

"Could you test them out, so I can see how much more power you got?"

"Umm... I gue" I was then attacked by Gabe. 

He punched me, incredibly hard. I punched him even harder, he looked shocked. I punched him again, again and again, until finally he was bloody on the ground. I walked over to him, but then he tripped me, went to punch me, but I dodged it. Grabbing his body and I flung him against the wall. I slowly got up, catching my breathe, but he had began to run at me. he jumped, about to punch me extremely hard, I screamed. 

My grace shot out at him like the sun's rays, and hitting him like a human sized bullet. My eyes were shining blue, but then it turned yellow and when I punched him again. My grace shot out as well, not being blue, but a vibrant yellow.  He covered his face, showing he gave up.

"Sorry, Gabe," I said as I helped him up, and was about to heal him.

"No Cas, don't heal me, I don't know what you are," he pushed himself away from me, then was gone, only leaving one gold feather.

I looked at the bullet, my eyes turned gold, then my grace slowly lifted the feather up to me. Unlike a long time ago, my grace was under control. Just different. Much different.